第七十三章: 有了感情的负担

I hardly touch my blog anymore. Not due to laziness. But due to surprising flow of inspirations that crush my minds. To present them all out at once, is hectic. As a result, the ideas increase until it tops up like a mountain, and I stand on the summit, like an ant not knowing how to take care of it. But there's one thing that has been bothering me and I've just started to notice that it has fallen into a stage where it cannot be saved anymore, I'm talking about mom and her kindergarten, or perhaps you could put in another way, mom's burden of her lifetime.

A few weeks ago, I was in camp. the camp was estimated to last for a month. 2 weeks of class and actual camping activities to do, and another two weeks of free time. In the actual weeks, things rocked. It was hell fun, a few more friends from Johor came and join our big family. We learned to improve our skills in looking after kids and also, to be a little more srtict on our own attitude and daily acts. The learned lots of stuff and made lots of friends as well. After the actual week we took them to KL for a quick tour, I would never forget the silly idea of lingering around the Lau Yat plaza, targeting cellphones. And also how we had fun being vegetarians. Seriously, try going to McDonalds for fries with ketchup and chili sauce while ignoring the temptation Juicy Chicken thigh and beef patties, after you try that, do inform me if you don't feel awkward. Oh, and I also would not forget how we randomly looked at longed for Gundam SD model kits at Berjaya Times Square. Anyway, back to the topic. I had to leave the camp earlier than expected to help mom in the kindergarten, other teachers had their own plans and vacations. So, I obeyed orders.

Unusually, the kindergarten, had no enquiries.

To recall the history, mom established the kindy when I was standard 2. that would be around year 2003 and 2002. Back then it wasn't really packed, I suppose that mom, with hope, was keeping her hands crossed, hoping that the figures would shoot in a year or two. Although there was one year, when things were at the peak and they had a Not-So-Bad achievement, but ever since then, things did not get better, it got harder, tougher, and rougher. While figures were dropping, mom had to consider loads of stuff, the workers income, bills and stuff to pay, but the money flow that came in, became lesser, lesser and lesser. I started to realize that I had an amazing mother, who has carried that burden for over 7 years, imagine, how she'd manage to withstand such pressure, but always keeps her smile wide open to kids, when she has to suffer all that pain. I'm not saying physically but, mentally. And after all that suffocation, she doesn't give up, she always looked for solutions on her own, not even mentioning it to dad. Although the solutions never worked out, I admire her spirit.

And now, she has more problems to cope with, one of her biggest problems, will be to search for a new location for the kindergarten, as the owner of the house will be claiming back that huge comfortable house for sale. She only has three months, she has no new students next year, for now, and she has her purse, filled with miserable small notes, that will only last for a short time. But yet today, I saw how she continued to save keep her teaching and educating passion burning on, although things were about to weigh her down, she smiled at the children and shouted: "Drink your water!" I have to admit, I don't like her kindy, for one reason. I hate kids. But the burden she has carried all these years and refused to let go of, perhaps was the thing that has kept her going on. This burden perhaps, she will be willing to carry for another 10 years. If... if... she had the ability and strength to. Watching the era of Teratak Ilmu starting to shake, I don't have a clue whether it will go on, but there's one thing for sure, the house, is filled with lots of memorable memories, and laughter of children that mom will always remember, even when she tells me that :"Son, I don't want to do this anymore."

I end this post with silence, while my ears perk up as mom's laughter shifts through my ear canals.

-身骑白马-

这世界上最痛苦的感觉，就是看着自己呕心沥血的成就，慢慢地消失人间，化成尘埃。

第七十二章：丑角的狗屎运

Yeah. Back after a long wait. According to logical time line, there should be an update about the class trip. But lets skip that, I destroyed my hand phone and camera thanks to the trip and a very good friend. (Au Yong. Fuck you.) This adds up to a total lost of 1100 bucks. So, Im'ma skip the Pangkor trip.

If that's the case. I might as well share a homo experience. A motivation camp was held at Yak Chee. Ya know? The famous school in Puchong? The one that's a hundred times more fabulous than Han Ming? You should get a concept. The camp was to motivate problem students (Standard 5) who are going to face UPSR next year. So why did I participate? No. My brains have not explode yet. Well I was, fortunately selected to guide the students. (I would prefer to put it as unfortunately) Basically things were simple. You just had to be by their side, teach and motivate them whenever a lesson or program was carried out. The only obstacle was to reach full standard of what the teacher wanted. Damn, seriously, to be good in details, polite (as in, giving a 90 degree bow whenever you meet a teacher, and to sit still and straight silently when you're enjoying meals, and lots of other stuff, in which if you fail to perform all of it, you get a nice scolding, or a kick in the ass.), quick and so on... it was a tough one. The best part came when night fell. We were supposed to finish stuff at Yak Chee, later on to return to our center at OUG to sleep, but our mentor made huge change, we returned to the center for a meeting, and were ordered to have a five minute bath, and then take our luggage and sleeping bags and belongings back to Yak Chee, and have another meeting again. AND NO, WE WEREN'T GOING TO SLEEP AT THE CENTER. By the time things were settled, the clock stroke 2 in the morning. Say hello to exhaustion.

But hey, all those clinging around being tossed up and thrown down, was worth it. We got to know ourselves better, understand our weaknesses and, I've gotten much better after weeks and weeks of emo-ing, at least, not as lonely as before. So yeah. It's alright. But the bad news is. I got another 7 days and 6 nights camp to attend to next week. So that's all for updates, I need to rest. I got one heck of a battle ahead.

Song of the week
Firework - Katy Perry
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag
Drifting through the wind
Wanting to start again

Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin
Like a house of cards
One blow from caving in

Do you ever feel already buried deep
Six feet under scream
But no one seems to hear a thing
Do you know that there's still a chance for you
Cause there's a spark in you

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gonna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

You don't have to feel like a waste of space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light
And let it shine
Just own the night
Like the Fourth of July

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em fallin' down-own-own

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
It's always been inside of you, you, you
And now it's time to let it through

Cause baby you're a firework
Come on show 'em what your worth
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
As you shoot across the sky-y-y

Baby you're a firework
Come on let your colors burst
Make 'em go "Oh, oh, oh!"
You're gunna leave 'em goin "Oh, oh, oh!"

Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon
Boom, boom, boom
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon

第七十一章：找不到的积极

It's been more or less 3 weeks after PMR, that's almost like a month, I can recall how I imagined life would be before the battle. It was definitely... bright, joy, and... happiness... But what I am doing and feeling now, is completely the opposite, the freedom I have is slacking me, my free time is spent on the internet everyday and almost every second, I still play the piano, it's soothing and relaxing, good thing I still feel the catch when the key is pressed, the nostalgic melody blasting out of that black enormous wooden instrument, but the thing that matters, is the loneliness you get everyday after a piece is practiced. You feel... somehow empty, is it because... I don't have any goals for the moment? Or because, I have too much free time to worry about every little aspect in reality? I fear, that when the red letter day arrives, people around me will be smiling with the achievements they have in hand, when they actually work only that slightly, and I, being depressed over how pathetic I was, working so hard, but getting nothing...

The best part comes when someone approaches you and telling how useless you are indirectly, for an example, my father. I don't blame him for his standards, forgetting to close the tap water, seriously it's my fault, but to struggle through his scoldings with the right expression, is really suffocating. What should I do when I get a telling from you? Smile? Say I'm sorry? Sulk over your anger? Or just keep myself silent? It hurts even more when you didn't do it actually, it was someone else who was guilty, and that person, is the one who is nagging you. I don't tell you about your carelessness sometimes dad, because I know life's hard for you, if I were to confront you, I'd understand how you feel, but for goodness sake, I'm the one who didn't close the tap, but so do you at times. How can I reach up to your standards? I tried. But probably, I'll just keep moving on, without a destination.

I try to find myself a destination,but end up getting lost again and again, time after time. It's always the same no matter what is concerned, studies, family, attitude, and even at times, love (Come to think of it, I seldom talk about it.). I feel so pathetic at times, I hypnotize myself everyday, but it's true, when it invades, then it invades, you can't escape, I keep reminding myself, I am not a flirt, I should never flirt, I've been doing this for years, but I've some to realize, that that isn't the case, I found my true self to be one. Therefore I choose to keep quiet, I press myself, but pathetically, I check your profile everyday, view your blog as frequent as I could, in the end, I end up looking like a stalker, I try to resist, but I fail once gain. In so many of these cases, it's not that I don't want to, I have a desire, I have a map, I have my plans, but as I said, I lack a destination. And now it even pressures me as another big battle is coming up, I've got loads of camps to go, they all require positivity, I'll fail big time if I don't try to change, but what can I possibly do, when bad thoughts just plague in my mind?

Damn, Why am I so pathetic?

Song Of the Week
Split - Suneohair

ありふれている
Arifurete iru
気持ちなんでさ
kimochi nante sa
何も言わずにいっそ
Nani mo iwazu ni isso
消えてしまえば楽になれるのに
Kieteshimaeba raku ni nareru no ni
見つめ合ってた
Mitsume atteta
君の瞳に
kimi no hitomi ni
映る自分が揺れてる
Utsuru jibun ga yurete
とぼけた様に口を開けたまま
Toboketayou ni kuchi wo aketa mama
それぞれの道を行く
Sorezore no michi wo yuku
その分かれ道
sono wakaremichi
もう二度と逢う事の無い
Mou nidoto au koto no nai
出会いは悲しすぎる
deai wa kanashisugiru
足りない気持ちを持ち寄って
Tarinai kimochi wo mochiyotte
温めた先から冷えていって
Atatameta saki kara hieteitte
そんなはずないって信じてる
"Sonna hazunai" tte shinjiteru
一体いつまで同じ言葉を
Ittai itsumade onaji kotoba wo
抱え込んでんだ　抱え込んでんだ
Kakaekondenda Kakaekondenda
見つめ続ける
Mitsume tsudzukeru
君の瞳に
kimi no hitomi ni
映る景色が変わった
Utsuru keshiki ga kawatta
僕の知らない新しいひかり
Boku no shiranai atarashii hikari
それぞれに道を行く
Sorezore no michi wo yuku
今、分かれ道
Ima wakaremichi
もう二度と振り返らない
Mou nidoto furikaeranai
気持ちが走り過ぎる
kimochi ga hashirisugiru
消えそうな夜に抱き合って
Kiesouna yoru ni nakiatte
冷えきった体で連れたって
Hiekitta karada de motsuretatte
何か足りないって感じてる
"Nani ka tarinai" tte kanjiteru
一体いつから嘘もため息も
Ittai itsu kara uso no tameiki wo
抱え込んでんだ　支えきれない程
Kakaekondenda Sasaekirenai koto
足りない気持ちを持ち寄って
Tarinai kimochi wo mochiyotte
温めた先から冷えていって
Atatameta saki kara hieteitte
こんなはずないって信じてる
"Konna hazunai" tte shinjiteru
一体いつまで同じ言葉を
Ittai itsumade onaji kotoba wo
抱え込んでんだ　抱え込んでんだ
Kakaekondenda Kakaekondenda

(Translated)

If only things could get easier if
All those common feelings would
Fade to nothing all the more by saying nothing

The me reflected in your eyes
When we gaze at each other is shaking
With his mouth wide open like he's playing dumb

I'll take every path
That crossroad
When you'll never see them again
Meeting someone is too sad

Exchanging insufficient feelings
Growing cold after having warmed up
I believe that that can't be how it is
Just how long will I take upon myself
The same words? The same words?

The landscape reflected in your eyes,
Which continue to gaze at it, have changed
There's a new light that I don't know

I'll take the paths respectively
Now, a crossroad
Without ever turning back again
My feelings run too far

Even if we make love on a night that's about to fade
And get tangled up with our completely cold bodies
I feel that something's not enough
For just how long have I taken upon myself
Lies and sighs, so many that I can't support them?

Exchanging insufficient feelings
Growing cold after having warmed up
I believe that that can't be how it is
Just how long will I take upon myself
The same words? The same words?

第七十一章：探望

Yeah, Obviously from my title, you'd know I visited someone. Not just me, me and the gang. Went to Darrelle's place, and it was "kinda" fun? I doubt. The best part was the food, because, there was pizza!! The horrible, rather more horrified part was the Movie: The Orphan. Fuck, I wonder what Americans think about everyday. I mean, why and how these directors think of such stories? Why even think about it? It's amazing how you can squeeze in so many stuff in to a movie, Sex, Horror, Homicide, Blood, Revenge. Eww... Sorry, a big apology I present to all fans out there, I go for movies like Grown-Ups :)

The photos were uploaded at facebook. Gawd bless our creative comments :D

I didn't go to school today, Why should I send myself to the gates of boredom? At least I have my rubix, piano, guitar at home :) And Yes, last but not least, the Internet :D Wanted to go out for lunch. But the look of the whether was such a fuck face, so fucking grey and dark, wind was blowing. Obviously it was about to pee from the sky :) (Shit, I'm addicted to using emotional icons.) So I cooked lunch. No choice, Instant noodles and sausages, After I finished cooking my meal, FUCK!!!! The whether went bright again. What a Jackass.

Really boring these days, I have nothing to do other than practicing piano, playing rubix, and surfing the net. That's it, Life after PMR = Lifeless. I'M GETTING MYSELF A BUKU RUJUKAN EKONOMI ASAS. ROAR!!!!

Song Of the Week
伴 - 黄小琥
作词:姚若龙 作曲:于晓光、李伟菘

如果 命运可以订做
如果 有另一次选择
我想我 还是会 把手让你紧握
快乐地陪你去坎坷

就算 你有天变落魄
就算 你老得不能动
我想我 还是会 挽着你看日落
你的心疼在泪光中

嘴巴上 彼此嫌麻烦
眼神中 关怀那么满
没说爱 却早已认定一辈子的伴
在人前 从来不浪漫
在心中 却总为对方打算
最懂的人最暖的伴

就算 我以后变罗嗦
就算 我老了有病痛
我想你 还是会 照顾我到最后
隐藏脆弱不眠不休

没有辛酸 没有遗憾
什么是陪伴 什么是心安
你是答案

PS: 不必上线，每一词每一句都很到味:D
- 身骑白马-

第七十章：让我一次过爆炸

No. Once again let me inform that YU HAN'S BLOG ISN'T DEAD. The reason it wasn't updated right after PMR was because my internet couldn't connect properly. Now the damn connection is refreshed, everything is serviced. Somehow I know it's kinda late to say this, but still allow me to carry out the ceremony.

GOOD BYE Penilaian Menengah Rendah

MARILAH KITA BAKAR BUKU SEMUA!!!!

Point No.1 has been pointed out, now let me continue on. LIFE AFTER PMR IS... amusing. Last Friday was crazy. Shi Ken destroyed to pieces of glass by giving a hard kick to that mini adidas ball that Jer Shyan brought. After school, we planned originally to have a feast at Domino's, but the afternoon session students dominated the shop. With force, we had to go to the Ipoh chicken rice shop. The feast had two occasions. One, as a nice farewell to our classmate, Qian Ying who will be transferring. I hear that it's kinda like home-schooling. Is that true? I doubt. The second purpose was to celebrate 3A4's last day together in class. (You see, our dumbass school authorities wouldn't open the class doors for us, we'll have to linger around the school. So sad...

Story number two. My worst Saturday ever.(Yesterday.) The gang planned to play football. I wanted to go. Mom did not know how to go. The solution was to fetch me to school and wait for my dear friend to come and fetch me. So I waited. I waited for quite a long time. Finally I thought that they were pulling my legs. Due to my impatience of waiting. I decided to explore the area myself. I took a 10 minutes walk to the bus stop, below the EPF building. I waited for 30 minutes. Fuck, not one bus that passed by was heading to Mid Valley, my plan was to find out which particular bus would be heading towards the Puchong bus station. (Around my house.) Again, I didn't want waste time, I took another long walk to the Taman Jaya LRT station, bought a ticket to KL central, I wanted to try my luck there because I know that there is a particular bus there. When I arrived. I looked and asked for information. I was told to wait in front of the KL monorail station. I ran there, fearing that the bus might have already left. Finally, hope came, I caught a glimpse of that bus. Rapid KL U60. Hopping on, I was ready to pay the bus driver his salary. But instead, he drove off, it was too late for me to pay. "Never mind I'll pay when he arrives the next station. Now here's the condition. The next stop was Pasar Seni. The back part of the bus was the only place where seats were situated. The middle part was empty, designed specially for the crippled. I stood at the front part. A few footsteps away from the driver seat. He drove so fast that I had to grab on to support, leaving me no time at all to pay. When we arrived Pasar Seni. Great, I could finally pay. I was "this" close to saying, "Minta maaf bang, tadi tak sempat nak bayarlah bang." He impolitely forced me, "Turun dik, kalau tak mau bayar turun." I bared with him, "Minta maaflah bang, tadi betul-betul tak sempat, sebab saya takut nanti jatuh ma..." "You mau bayar, you tunggu." Waited. "Sorry bang, takde duit kecil, duit besar boleh." (Take note, he had small notes in his hand where he could actually give me the change.)
"Apa la ni, saya tak peduli you pergi luar tukar." Now after thrice times of tolerance was made, I really could not hold myself anymore, but I only wanted to go home that moment, I got off the bus, looking for stalls nearby, I found one, and requested for exchange, the fucking hawker forced me to buy her stuff, I said NO, you give me the exchange, why should I buy your stuff? She said fine, no exchange, frustrated, I picked up a a packet of sliced fruit and asked the priced, I bought it, But I did not eat it, instead, I threw the packet at her face and said, "Next time I visit your stall, Im'ma kick throw some durians at you." (Hey lady, in case of you seeing this, you must be a uneducated low class jack ass MALAY.) Now comes the climax. I went back, the bus was gone. Let me skip through how I got back home. Allow me to share what my mother said.

"This is the society, you cannot be angry at them, you must bare with them, or else you'll only suffer when you come out and work in the society." Here's how I replied her. "MOM, WHEN THE SOCIETY GETS SICK, WHEN WRONG BECOMES RIGHT, YOU DON'T FOLLOW THE FLOW JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT TO GET AWAY FROM TROUBLE, INSTEAD YOU FIGHT IT, YOU FIGHT FOR JUSTICE AND DO WHAT IS RIGHT. SO WHAT IF I FIND MYSELF IN TROUBLE IN THE FUTURES SO WHAT? AT LEAST IN THE END, I DID THE RIGHT THING PRINCIPALLY AND THEY DID THE WRONG THING, WHAT I HAVE TO REGRET, IT'S ALWAYS WORTH IT TO GO THROUGH SOME TROUBLE, BEAT THAT MOM." "Fine, go ahead with your principles." She ended up speechless, speechless for me being stubborn or being determined. I have no interest in knowing.

PS: Rapid KL, the next time you look for a bus driver, please educate them, they all look like dogs, no they look like wild boars, THEY HAVE NO MANNERS.

Song of the week
天天 - 陶喆

太阳天或下雨天
人挤人的咖啡店
找一个能想你舒服的角落
看着情人肩靠肩
慢慢转开我视线
有个女孩让我好想念
我的心已经飞到这个城市的另一边
想看着你 爱上的脸
把心里的感情都对你说
那马路上天天都在塞
而每个人天天在忍耐
没有你日子很黑白
原来这样就是恋爱
我想要你在我身边
分享生命中的一切
我想要天天说 天天说
天天对你说我有多爱你
天天说 I Love You.

第六十九章：看不到的天空

最近都很少上来这儿写一写心情，不是不要写，只是上到来，整个人就变得空白，完全摸不着自己该用什么题材，想聊一聊假期，但除了和朋友参观书展之外，就没有什么值得提起的，想说说自己在假期里温习了什么，却完全提不起劲，今天，终于让我找到了一个灵感，但是感觉上，这灵感，很狭窄…

这几天，上网的时候，都在看一写新闻，政治，或是种族主义的课题，印象最深刻，肯定会使那大家都在关注的“回中国” 论理的新闻，而很容易预测的，黄明知自己也做了回应，我突然间问了自己：“马来西亚是不是我的家？在任何一个媒体上，常常都会听到，马来西亚，我的国家…什么的…但是，为什么还是会有许多华人，抢着为孩子申请新加坡的奖学金，好让他们能到那边发展，可以的话，还要到那里，申请做个永久性居民（PR），我就是其中之一（虽然深知自己有心而力不足）。如果，这是我的家，为什么我要离开？这个问题，我整整思考了三天，终于找到一个贴切的答案，这个答案，不只我说过，就连东姑阿都拉曼的孙子，自己也在一篇文章中发表了出来 : “Because I am not made to feel like this is my home.”

这看似有道理，却带着一点遗憾和悲伤的答案，是一个残酷的事实，不知道究竟是政府在逃避这事实，还是他们已经被蒙蔽了双眼。一次又一次的状况，让我觉得，这真的是一个回答得很贴切的答案。988电台在早前，有三位电台广播员，小马，秋月，和迦马，怀疑因为在节目上“早点说马”，讨论了一些比较敏感的政治课题，而被下令休假。抹杀自由言论的权利，抹杀人民可以更加了解国家课题的权利，抹杀每一个华人心目中的尊严，这就是状况（一）。连续发生了两次的问题，无知的校长，在周会上，对着学校里的华人子弟，叫我们会到中国去，政府却采取了什么行动？吊校换职，这是他们最理智的处罚？这是状况（二）。黄明志，因为粗俗的回应，搞得惊天动地，对付一个怀恨在心的校长，却低调办事，这是状况（三）。一个又一个的言论谋杀，这还是我的家吗？

这一些事情，我跟妈妈都发表了各自意见。她说她很担心，她说我只看一些极端的新闻，她深怕我会因为这样而歧视马来同胞，还说这样做只会害了我自己。她告诉我：“这些媒体的报道，其实只报上了一些极端的事实。很多时候，人民不知道政府其实在背后努力策划一些什么，资助一些什么人，因为媒体注重自己赚回多少钱，所以只卖一些让人看了很”堵懒”的新闻，无形中煽动了种族之间的情绪，这也是为什么，一个马来西亚，永远会成为人民眼中的笑话。尝试从一个理智政治家的角度看待这些国家大事，有时候，人民认为很简单就可以办到的事情，其实很困难，等有一天，你如果真的上了这个位子，你会发现，会有很多可恶的人，阻碍你去改变，你如果坚持想改变，你只会像阿都拉一样，自动下台。儿子，给政府多一点时间，给好的政治家和领导人多一些时间，给改革多一些时间，因为改变，绝对不是一朝一夕的，学习如何去看视整片天空。”

顾名思义，去看整片天空，那正是我看不到的天空。。。

Song of the week

Shadow of the day - Linkin Park

I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away
Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes goodbye's the only way
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay
Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes goodbye's the only way
And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you
And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey
And the sun will set for you

第六十八章：最后一线希望

原来我从未意识到成长。最近申请了新加坡的奖学金，才慢慢发现自己，从过去的高傲，跌入了深谷。

我很享受自己小学的学习生涯。当时拥有的不只是光荣，家庭问题也没那么糟糕。那六年的时间，才叫快乐。回想起来，我从一年级开始发觉自己的潜能，因为一次大胆的尝试，参加了讲故事比赛，谁会想到，自己竟然得上了亚军。后来开始建立起了自信，每一年的比赛，
都开始由我的分，得奖也不例外，很少看到自己败落的一面，所以从未经历过失败的苦。小学一路走到了五年级，被选为校队选手，但因为经验不足，只获得了安慰奖，但自己已是心满意足，因为三位选手里，只有我获奖，然后本质也开始在自己没注意之下，开始有所变化。
我没有变得更谦虚，性格变得更高傲了。六年级的成绩也不赖，成为区域的代表，校内更适应了不少奖状，更被选为模范生的人选，这一年，也让我认识了有一个这样的环境可以念书- 换句话说，这一年是我第一次参加新加坡奖学金的考试。

毕业了以后，爸妈很努力为我报名就读公教中学，他们说，要在新加坡发展，唯一能依靠的本地中学，就是公教。我很天真地以为那是一个很轻易就能达成的目标，我自己清楚知道，要考上新加坡的学校，先要交出一张漂亮的成绩单，但自己却被高傲蒙蔽视线。我采取了第一步行动 – 参加演讲比赛。然后落败了。我参加了辩论，却因为无知和冲动，再加上自己微薄的实力，退出了。学校的考试成绩，一落千丈。他妈的，真得让我遇上了连环打击。随着步伐，我决定投入自己的学业，中二，总算让我遇到了少少的进步，我却蠢得没发现自己已经彻底忽略了课外活动的表现。无奈的过了两个月的年终假期，开学了，中三了，从经验吸取教训，虽然说没有做得很好，但自己的却尝试了低调办事，直到我再次报名新加坡奖学金的考试，我真地从七十二楼的光辉，跌入了十八层地狱。我只能用堕落感看着那一份表格上写着的字眼：”Outstanding achievements”, “Awards”. 我心想 “What the fuck do I have? 3 years of secondary school and I don’t have a fuckin certificate or achievement.” 

马虎的脚上了表格，鱼贯地走着，我从拥有一切，化为一无所有，亲情破灭，成绩衰落，此时此刻，我感觉自己输掉了全世界，什么都没有。但是有何奈？望着两手空空的掌心，我只能带着勉强的笑容，迈向明天，我真的办得到吗？不要告诉我相信自己就可以了，因为那不实际，因为鼓励只是一种假象。我还有第二个机会吗？不要告诉我机会永远存在，因为期望越高，你只会更加失望。拖着影子，我不能再质疑了，我只剩下一个月，那是我最后一线希望。

第六十七章：人都需要呐喊

First of all. No, this blog isn't dead. And yes, I've shut myself up for a long time for the TRIALS :D, which is all wasted because the TRIALS fucked me instead of me fucking the TRIALS. Interested in having a peek at my analysis? Here you have it:

                    BM: FUCKED                      

BI: TOTALLY FUCKED

BC: SURVIVED

SC: Shit.

MT: Fucked.

KH: Fucked.

SJ: 78. I'm fucking dissapointed.

GE: SURVIVED

I wish I could make a conclusion. But I can't go on. I feel like throwing up cause all I see is 'EPIC FAILURES."

Therefore, instead, I made another conclusion. Which is an inspiration gifted by racial news lately, the TRIALS, and my own thoughts - "WE ALL NEED TO SHOUT"

When the despicable spread propaganda's -"Cina balik cina" during a school assembly, we must start to realize that it has been 53 years of toleration. If this keeps up, the whole nation will take things for granted and 2020 is gonna be nothing but an unrealistic crap. We need to shout, AND DO WHAT'S BEST FOR EVERYONE FOR THE SAKE OF THE PROPAGANDA ( 1 MALAYSIA ). On the screens of transimissions, you bullshit about "Perpaduan." And then on the other side you do something else violating you bullshit, and then get back to square one and bullshit all over again. LOL?

When you start to feel stressed out because of hardcore life. You need to Shout out. Sick of the books? SHOUT. Sick of the notes? Shout. Sick of Sejarah? Shout. Because that's the only way to achieve zen at such periods of intensity.

DOES ANYONE GET WHAT I CRAPPED UP THERE? IF YES, LEAVE A COMMENT. GOOD LUCK DURING THE REAL PMR. TRIALS ARE MAKING ME DEPRESSED FOR THE TIMEBEING. T.T

第六十六章：残局

My schedules are packed while it is actually a fact that I'm fucking free. Yes, I've done a lot through out the weeks after my second examination. I've cleared many chapters in the sylllabus. I survived my report card nag. I registered for 4 trips after PMR. I've used my free time to think about the society. I've managed to bring my interest in music to a higher stage. I've tried to change my attitude at home by doing more work. I could make the list go on. If I were to stop doing tthe above activity. I'd be fucking free. Of course, my personality never permits me to be lazy. But as a result, I'm getting imbalanced. Or put it in a much simpler way, I'm not satisfied with life.I feel that I could make life a lot more fun. This stage isn't the max. There's more to than repeating the same routine everyday.

1) Clearing chapters and notes everyday. It's done by force. Yep, I force myself everyday just so I could achieve that goal. Of course I want 8a's. There's a price to pay. I have to drink coffee everyday to replenish strength and the energy to do that. Dude, sitting in front of piles of books everyday for more than 7 hours, it's insane. (7 hours = 4 hours in the evening + 3/2hours at night, you can imagine how I manage it everyday because I still have the time to facebook. =D) What can you conclude from that? - 残局 (Because it's tiring)

2) Doing housework and changing attitudes. I'm not complaining. It's my duty in the first place. Mom and Dad's days are numbered (Touchwood La) In exchange mom becomes less tired, dad reduces his sour face and nags. The price I pay is being unhappy BECAUSE THATS JUST NOT ME! Should I be myself or be the person they want me to be? I don't mind doing the work, I mind changing and revoloutioning myself. Well, no choice - 残局.

3) Observing the society. This makes me so imbalanced. I hate to see the facts but I just can't help myself from politics and education issues. If you observe my facebook posts, everything has something to do with Malaysia and how its progressing. Sometimes I just feel like Spraying the word "FUCK OFF" on the merdeka banners they put up in my school corridors. First I started to look into Hak Bumiputeras. Then, they show this amazing topic of abolishing UPSR and PMR. It get's better. Sinchew posts an interesting daily update of how Universities and students are doing in Malaysia. I don't need to elaborate much. Because its a - 残局.

I have no comments about life no more. 残局.

Song Of The Week.

跨乐星光 (2010娱协新人主题曲)

作曲：凌加峻 / 作词：凌加峻、王素怡 / 编曲：饶善强 / 制作：王诗豪
演唱：2010娱协新人25组候选人

我们要清楚知道方向目标 只有做好自己最重要
没有尽情奔跑 只是时机未到
我不要绕着跑道百般无聊 我又不是被囚禁的鸟
用高音符号 搭建跨乐世界的桥

银河多闪耀 星星都相聚多热闹 热情的拥抱 新星们报到
星际的怀抱 给我们依靠 你们的照耀 让我们燃烧

让我们一起来玩耍 跨乐世界谱出童话
在舞台上遇到的甜酸苦辣 我们一起分享
向明天大声唱

让我们一起来玩耍 挥霍音乐划出星光
管它无尽宇宙有多浩瀚 我们会更闪亮
因为你们 是我们的太阳

让我们一起来玩耍 在星空下创造那童话
在生活中遇到的甜酸苦辣 我们愿意跟你分享

银河多闪耀 星星都相聚多热闹 热情的拥抱 新星们报到
星际的怀抱 给我们依靠 你们的照耀 让我们燃烧

让我们一起来玩耍 跨乐世界谱出童话
在舞台上遇到的甜酸苦辣 我们一起分享
向明天大声唱

让我们一起来玩耍 挥霍音乐划出星光
管它无尽宇宙有多浩瀚 我们会更闪亮
因为你们 是我们的太阳

就算偶尔困在黑洞里打转 我们也不会轻易迷失方向
跟着五线谱就能继续运转 音乐呼唤 唱出曙光

让我们一起来玩耍 跨乐世界谱出童话
在舞台上遇到的甜酸苦辣 我们一起分享
向明天大声唱

让我们一起来玩耍 跨乐世界创造童话
在舞台上遇到的甜酸苦辣 我们一起分享
因为你们 是我们的力量

*I will never say never.*

第六十五章：阿忠的布袋大团

这是一个真人真事，他给我们的教训，正当我们在为生活的不足埋怨连天，原来有一个快乐的人，也会换上忧郁症。我们的不快乐，那他又算是什么? 的确，没有人会有耐心阅读以下的文章，但如果你热爱生命，请用心读下去。

阿忠藝合團

阿忠藝合團團長兼主演-阿忠，本名陳漢忠，64年次，在布袋戲界應算是很年輕，本身既不是布袋戲家族出身，也沒有傲人的學歷，憑著一股對布袋戲的熱愛，小時候愛看戲，十三歲時認識了西螺新興閣掌中劇團鍾任壁先生，十六歲正式拜師成為鍾任壁先生正式關門弟子。阿忠在新興閣習藝長達十年之久，十年來，隨新興閣南征北討，並遠赴東歐等地交流演出，這段期間還經由師父引薦至師兄蔡武雄先生的文興閣劇團見習。因為阿忠一直認為，無法在廟口現場演出連續兩小時表演，根本不算會演布袋戲，在新興閣與文興閣長年累月的訓練之下，在阿忠當兵回來沒多久，經由師長的鼓勵成立了阿忠藝合團。
阿忠藝合團是由阿忠與妻子阿萍兩人共同打拚出的布袋戲新生團體。藝合團的最大特色就是-創造布袋戲的無限可能。

阿忠藝合團寓教娛樂

阿忠藝合團是由阿忠與妻子阿萍兩人共同打拚出的布袋戲新生團體。藝合團的最大特色就是-創造布袋戲的無限可能。
例如：自創的全新劇本（如921大地震的女巫戰地牛，千禧年的千禧蟲來了！）阿忠的布袋戲還會模仿阿吉仔唱歌，有時候也會模仿一下郭富城，甚至還會來一段超級明星臉，乍看之下，有人認為阿忠好像在搞噱頭，但是那是旁人淺浮的看法，阿忠有他自己一套的做戲概論，簡單一句：觀眾在哪裡？爾後阿忠做了一項空前的創舉，那就是把布袋戲表演帶到時下年輕人最流行的聚集場地-PUB。從暖場成為主秀，到電視主流媒體的注意，爾後受本土綜藝天王吳宗憲先生的邀約至台視綜藝旗艦節目演出，立刻引起友台的注意，最後阿忠在衛視中文台開闢了一個自己的節目-阿忠布袋戲，雖然內容以搞笑、時事為主，這或許也是推廣布袋戲的一個方法。理由只有一個，阿忠從小愛看布袋戲，後來跑去學演戲，現在要更認真的來做戲
自阿忠藝合團組團以來，短短幾年，演出、教學千餘場，更在2000年獲美國西來寺邀請赴美演出，於第一場演出受到洛杉磯數十個單位邀約演出，足跡遍及台灣同鄉會、美國學校、亞太博物館、華人賣場、好萊塢派對、聖地牙哥、教會，最難得的是洛杉磯市政府還特別頒發一張傑出獎章，還有美西北區台灣同鄉會頒給的傑出藝人獎牌。在台灣，阿忠每個禮拜一都與師兄鍾任霖至台北少年觀護所教導學生習藝。對於公益活動，渣翁藝合團也是不餘遺力，最近還受台灣人權協會聘請指導大專志工青年遠赴泰北將台灣文化布袋戲的歡樂帶給當地難民，由於次活動意義深遠，人權協會將在七月再度聘請阿忠藝合團繼續擔任指導第二屆的大專志工再度遠渡重洋，做國際社會文化服務活動。
論起阿忠的掌藝及口白，資深文化記者-紀慧玲小姐曾報導過，像阿忠這個年紀確有如此功夫的人，全台灣不出三十個；口白很有南部金光戲的氣口。阿忠的演出除了傳統的硬底子與金光戲的聲光效果，更加上生活化的劇情與幽默對白，深深打動觀眾的心。雖然阿忠的聽力因為學布袋戲而受損，成為殘障人士（已有殘障手冊）但他為布袋戲付出的心卻將永遠不損。阿忠依然經常告訴自己，「慢慢努力，努力就對了。」

PUB布袋戲

作自己的戲
也許是注定，小時候的阿忠就是追著布袋戲台跑的孩子，他說：「永遠記得第一次看到布袋戲的感覺，那時候整個人是怔住的，被尪仔所怔住、被戲臺怔住、被演師的技術怔住、口白怔住。」就這麼一見鍾情的愛上布袋戲。小學四年級，阿忠終於擁有了一個自己的尪仔，他整個晚上玩著尪仔不能成眠，一會兒空翻、一會兒旋轉，所有他在戲臺上看到的技巧，他都想在一夜之間學會、學好。而阿忠真的也從一個布袋戲的愛好者成為一個布袋戲的學習者，國二食後就以超低年齡的身份加入台大掌中戲社，開始學習布袋戲，之後又拜見俠戲大師鍾任壁為師，全心全力的投入布袋戲的迷人是界，阿忠跟著戲班跑，跟著師父、師兄（蔡武雄）走，見識到各式各樣的場面，磨練一手好記憶與口白。但是，他覺得不夠，在演出數場《三國演義》、《西遊記》等老戲後，他突然驚覺自己的聲音在哪裡？自己要做的戲是什麼？布袋戲的觀眾在哪裡？「阿忠藝合團」就是在對布袋戲環境質疑、對自我訂位質疑所產生的新興表演方式。阿忠想拋開包袱以自己的見解、自己的方式來講述屬於他的布袋戲故事、布袋戲表演，於是一齣齣創意十足的布袋戲創作作品於焉產生。會選擇在「女巫店」，是因為第一次在那個空間登台時，阿忠感受身為一個布袋戲演師前所未感受過的尊重，觀眾專心的看他的表演、整個舞台是屬於他自己的。在女巫店，他感受到他做的真正式表演、而不是廟會前的酬神活動、不是政府政令宣導的工具，所以他堅持日後在怎麼忙碌他都要來好好演，因為這裡的觀眾是專程來看布袋戲的。從女巫店最冷門的節目變成座無虛席的爆滿場，阿忠覺得這幾年的辛苦終於有了代價。他回憶起一開始到店理的時候，因為實在太冷門了，所以他的表演往往是暖場功能。比方說，今天有樂團要來表演，阿忠就先表演二十分鐘座暖場，還不能算當晚的主秀；而當他終於有機會成為晚上唯一的演出者時，好戲是有口碑的，就這樣一傳十、十傳百，阿忠另類的表演風格受到越來越多人注意，位子越坐越擠，甚至站著看、甚至擠不進店裡！

化痛苦為歡樂

阿忠的布袋戲除了戲精彩，中場休息時刻推出的廣告也是讓人拍案叫絕的表演，記搞笑且尖銳的廣告詞往往讓人放棄去洗手間，深怕錯過任何一個創意的表現。戲中間插廣告的概念，來自阿忠小時候看江湖賣藥郎的經驗、也來自AM常出現的荒腔走板的廣告；於是，阿忠嘗試運用尪仔來演廣告，來拍賣你想不到的產品。其中「米老鼠助聽器」更是從他自身出發的無奈產品—因為長期處於吵雜的環境下，阿忠的耳朵重聽了。當你聽到嘻嘻哈哈的助聽器口白，在想到他本身就是重聽殘障人士，任誰都會欷歔！

他看似多么的快乐，却没有人会想到，他为了对布袋戏的热诚，附上了痛苦的代价。只要你有脑子，一定看得出他是个创意又多元化的表演者，但往往，这一类型的人最疲倦，因为他要在短时间内，抓出一个漂亮的点子，来给观众带来更多的欢乐。为了众人的快乐，他日夜思索，再加上完美主义的性格，拼了命绞尽脑汁，为自己的表演添加更多元素，却没想到，因为睡眠不足，导致内分泌失调，患上了糖尿病，在半年内，从95公斤手下变成了65公斤，整整瘦了30公斤。事后，他开始放弃自己，二度患上了第二个病症 – 忧郁症。后来就有那么一天，他看着自己房间里的每一个布偶，突然抓回了自己的生命的起点：“这一些布袋都是死的，我给了他们多少的生命？让他们活了起来，在每一个眼里，成为大家嘻笑的原因。我为何要放弃自己？”患病后五年，他重出江湖，再次让阿忠布袋戏团，红遍全台湾，给每一个台湾人，传达快乐的气息。

我们热爱生命吗？他热爱到差点牺牲了自己灵魂，正当我们在为生命的不足哭泣，原来还有另外一个人在积极的奋斗。所谓“少年不识愁滋味，为赋新词强说愁。”我们埋怨了多少，珍惜了多少？我们这一代怎么了？我们做了什么？我们要的是什么？可悲啊！

第六十四章：捆绑我的周末

I hate Weekends. I prefer Weekdays.
Weekdays keep me occupied. Weekends suffocate me with boredom.

I prefer to be in school than I prefer to be at home.
I prefer to be busy than I prefer to be free.
I prefer to go out and take some fresh air than I prefer to stay at home with the internet.
I prefer freedom than I prefer limitations.
I prefer to go through trouble than I prefer to sit still.
I prefer to get caught by ISA than I prefer to watch the fall of my country.

I don't consider the above a poem. I consider it more as a statement. It's an inspiration I got after I started to notice that I hate staying at home.

Sitting still and saying nothing seems to be the mentality of Malaysian Chinese. They speak aloud in newspapers, but when you ask them to protest and walk around in dynamic groups of a city. They will never want to do so because it's troublesome and they fear that they will get a pinch in the ass by authorities.

What we should be doing is not sitting still. We should be out there fighting for what's really Satu Malaysia, for what they really mean is equal rights. We should turn the logic around, those leaving the country shouldn't be us, it is those who bribe and are bribed that should leave. Don't make everyday seem like a weekend that locks us up away from our dreams.

*Fighting, wasn't so hard.*

第六十三章：美丽的丑陋

糟糕，越来越爱用华语了 : D
最近很多事情有所感触。

（一） 马来西亚
多么熟悉的四个字，踏在这一个国土上，尽管我平时埋怨了多少，心中还是会有那不少爱国的精神. 但，我见证了，不多，只是那少许的改变，或许足以让我去相信，那是一个未来繁荣富有的象征. 什么改变？就是最近在报章上，让人欢喜若狂的奖学金. 我想，首相自己也开始明白了，平等，公平的重要性.

（二） 你们看不到的轮廓
满懊恼的，在面子书上，竟为一张照片上，两个不同立场的争论，争到你死我活. 战绩最后却是我被大家在心脏上狠狠刻下的一道疤痕. 潜意识中，还在为它答辩，但我在认真思索，最终让我定下了结论 – “我真得很丑”.不，我还算五官端正，只是我心很丑. 不是吗？霸道，多多少少还是会有；固执，我承认我是我行我素；孤僻，狂傲. 这一些夸张与否，我在认错的同时，也想要呈清。这十五年来，就是因为这一些丑陋的元素，所以才让我画下了今天我世界里的彩虹，他让我坚持了十五年，对于未来在新加坡发展的信念. 它让我承受了，一共三年半的中学生涯，自己一个人走过了考验. 所以，我承认它丑陋，但它却丑得太美了.

（三） 生命可以消失一瞬间
昨天晚上，听了电台节目的一个环节，让我恐惧了十五分钟. 我突然想到了很极端的残酷 –“如果今天，爸妈去世了，我到何处寻找依靠？我跟他们，又有多少的回忆？”不仅仅他们剩下的时间不多，我也一样，我们都一样，没时间了，所谓的挽回，意义又何在？

Song of the Week
每天都是一种练习 - 陈绮贞

好几天了没有你的消息
才发现其实想着你
当爱被紧紧的锁在心底
自由就张开翅膀飞出去
还须要一点幽默的心情
才能面对你失望的离去
快乐的气氛也许能暂时逃避
却又让伤害更彻底
我被恐惧深深的囚禁
我没有力气逃出去
每天都是新的练习
用今天换走过去
用明天换走失去的
好几天了没有你的消息
才发现其实想着你
当爱被紧紧的锁在心底
自由就张开翅膀飞出去
还须要一点幽默的心情
才能面对你失望的离去
快乐的气氛也许能暂时逃避
却又让伤害更彻底
我被恐惧深深的囚禁
我没有力气逃出去
每天都是新的练习
用今天换走过去
用明天换走失去的
每天都是新的练习

*I'm ugly. But I survived*

第六十二章：过去，如今的为何

今天下午，和往常一样，坐在书作面前，写着历史的重要笔记。只是今天，有了少许的感触，不，不只是那少许的感触，正确些来形容，就是愤怒，愤怒政府，愤怒我们的死板，愤怒我们几十年来，还在进步中的懊恼。

我今天温习了第七课：独立的马来西亚，相信只要是有研究，有印象的人，都知道其中之一的内容，描述了新加坡，如何成为了马来西亚的一部分，也描述了，马来西亚如何遗憾的失去了，这一个先今状况，无论在经济或教育或是政治上，都比我们出色的国土（若有任何错误，请包含）。新加坡辉离开我们，主要有四大原因：

（一） 我们当初在经济上，无法给与他们一个令人满意的保证。

（二） 新加坡质疑我们马来西亚联邦宪法上，马来人原有的本土特权，并且曾尝试要求一个人人平等的情况。

（三） 新加坡指正当时的马华并没有尽责任保护华人的利益。

（四） 新加坡更提出了许多看法，导致种族上的争议。根据课本所提供解释，这些点点滴滴，省直威胁了国家的安全？？？

细读到了这一个地步，我的心开始像火炉一样，燃耗了起来。翻开了下一业，才让人火上加油。咱们伟大的“东姑”说了一句话：“Jika kita tidak pisah pada hari ini, Sudah pasti pembunuhan yang menggerunkan akan berlaku ”

我在第一时间把书和笔记簿先关上，把眼睛闭下来，开始进入政治型的思维，如果当时，新加坡所开出的四大条件，政府都实现，并继续保留着新加坡。或许，我们可能看到的是一个像话的一个马来西亚，这一句话，或许不会引起争议，更不会让人有所质疑。我们可能看到的，是一个纯粹团结的力量，没有任何外界的影响，2020，更不可能只是个妄想的梦途。我们更不会有所外的人才外流，我们的名声，可能在亚洲是顶呱呱。我们的教育制度，或许不会那么复杂，也更不需要那么多的调换，训练出来的可能是更加精英的精英，或许我们在经济上的表现会比现在好很多。（尽管如此，我不排除新加坡今天大成就，其中最大的原因就是它的地方非常小，容易统治。）

把整个推测拉回我们面对的现实，光耀的出发点错吗？他想要一个更美好的国度，所以尽力提出了这些敏感的种族课题，希望政府不执著于过去，我们祖先所立下的决定 – “Keistimewaan hak Melayu dan bumiputera.”, 我们或许更加繁荣，所以为何我们不作出改变，为何还要去捆绑政治上的敏感？我们获得平安，却永远品尝不了成功的滋味，到头来，我们损失还是得益？一句话，敏感，不是因为我唯恐天下不乱，而是因为，我真的爱我的国家。I love my country.

-身骑白马-

81．36如果对你来说是个成就，那你当初为何决定要到新加坡发展？

第六十一章：冲破顶端

Another 6 more weeks till we sit for trials. NIE is finally finished, so is the arca. Next up, perhaps, gonna organize a visit to old folks home and orphanage for 3A4. Hope it'll succeed. Also in the meantime, doing some real intensive revision, I don't think there will be any free time for me to go out and relax. What's to be happy is my purata though, manage to maintain it above 80. The exact figure should be 81.4 if not mistaken. I'll keep my fingers crossed for that class position. Speaking about it, our class seems very lag, other classes already have their photos, but we still haven't got ours. Other classes all ready have their positions and results, while I don't know what Pn.Premah is up to. Just gotta keep waiting.

Phyllis left us today, she'll be transferring to an international school, all the best Phyllis! Don't forget the wonderful times you had with the friends you made in 3A4. Never never delete those photos in your DSLR. When the bell rang today, everyone was surrounding her saying goodbyes and farewell. According to Jo-Ee's blog, Chee Hong gave her a hug. WOW. And I just thought of this saying my primary teacher once told me when I graduated. "Departures aren't made to separate relations, they are made to let us know how warm it feels to reunite."

Departures huh? Life is such a long journey with all the partings and landings. How do we value it. What's the value of life to you? For me, I just don't want to live with regrets, I want to pursue that musical dream and out stand one day. There are so many elements in life, but never lack of one important part that I lack of. Friendship. That's a sincere advice for ya. For me, I don't care how much things can make me suffocate, I won't give a rat's ass about the obstacles, there's nothing to be afraid of, you see an obstacles, eliminate in and progress, don't stop walking until you reach the summit.

This is a song of inspiration and also the song of the week. I believe I posted the MV on facebook.我是一只小小鸟 - 丁当

有时后我觉得自己像一只小小鸟
想要飞 却怎么样也飞不高
也许有一天我栖上枝头 却成为猎人的目标
我飞上了青天才发现自己从此无依无靠
每次到了夜深人静的时候我总是睡不着
我怀疑是不是只有我的明天没有变得更好
未来会怎样究竟有谁会知道
幸福是否只是一种传说 我永远都找不到
我是一只小小小小鸟 想要飞呀飞却飞也飞不高
我寻寻觅觅寻寻觅觅一个温暖的怀抱
这样的要求算不算太高

所有知道我的名字的人啊你们好不好
世界是如此的小 我们注定无处可逃
当我 尽人情冷暖 当你决定为你了的理想燃烧
生活的压力与生命的尊严哪一个重要
我是一只小小小小鸟 想要飞呀飞却飞也飞不高
我寻寻觅觅寻寻觅觅一个温暖的怀抱
这样的要求算不算太高?

第六十章：归路

I survived my camps during the two weeks of school break, I crossed over my birthday, and survived amazingly after 3 days most of the examination papers are returned. Not Satisfying but yet as expected, obviously I could have done better, up next would be the trials and then the BIG BANG (PMR). As a conclusion, it's back to life again Yu Han, buck up.

Not much to talk about, since there aren't any real stuff I can talk about. I'm not in the World Cup Mood. Besides, like what Wei Jian said at facebook, This is officially the worst world cup ever. It even upsets me to see North Korea getting pawned to the corner. I laughed my ass out when I read to Star article : "A potful of goals." But what I can really discuss about is the latest educational issue, abolishing UPSR and PMR. Seriously, Muhyiddin, S.T.F.U, no, not Shut The F*** Up, it's "Save Tomorrow For Us." Come up with some better ideas, don't waste your ass load of time on some priceless idea. YOU SAID THAT THE EXAMINATIONS ARE STRESSING THE STUDENTS, HELL NO!!!

I personally think the root of all problems come from the misuse of results and figures, the society today put so much attention on getting the figures that they forget what is the purpose of a government examination. Anyways to solve the damn thing? I'm afraid it's too late. What the government can do right now, is stop stressing on results, on comparing the percentages between all schools in Malaysia. Slight changes should be made on the syllabus, don't make it so easy, make it a little more challenging and enough will be enough. Revalue the teachers and fire those who are obviously not doing any good for education, remain those who are really worthy of what we call a teacher.

Song Of The Week
风中的羽翼 - 杨培安

黑夜过后太阳就要升起
暴风雨过后也就会天睛
让我们一起手牵手向前
彩虹就在我们心底
人生路一定有风也有雨
用泪水灌溉生命的勇气
用希望化作风中的羽翼
让梦带走心中的忧郁
你陪伴我穿越过高山和大海
我的心有你才会澎湃
我愿意放弃所有坚持和骄傲
相信你因为相信爱

第五十九章：哭泣，战越自我的那一刻

Dead blog? Nope, I'll keep it alive, but very seldom from this moment on. Suppose after the exams, This blog should be frequently updated, but hey, there are a lines of battles coming up after the month, and I don't want to end up like this exam, but I gotta admit, peeking wasn't so hard after all. *Coughs*.I don't have anticipations this time, not looking forward to the figures, I'm definitely dropping this time, what shocks me is Sejarah, my strongest subject, I LOST TO MY CONFIDENCE !!! 50/60!!!! T.T.

Back to business, there's definitely a reason for that title up there, "Teardrops, the moment I cross the borders." Yep, as usual, I went to the camp for the 3rd time. But I'll try to make my inspiration short.

I once read an article online which really kept me thinking and wondering for some time. (Unfortunately I can't find the article now.)

"Life is just like a cycle of battles, the moment we land on the earth, the moment we start to feel the touch of the doctor's palms, we are resisting pain, we fight, and we start to grow up, we walk, talk, learn, gain knowledge, and by the stage of a teenager. We start the toughest struggles of life. We're clear of our goals, we fight to achieve the figures, just so an "A" on the report card can draw smiles on our parents faces, but then I *the writer* start to realize, no matter how great the "A" is, my dad seems to be losing a part of himself, soon, the same goes for my mom too. Haven't I tried hard? It's an "A" after all. The "mystery" continued until one day I had woken up from the foolishness of my thoughts.

Humans are fighting, the battles are countless, we have our goals, that is all true. But living a life full of achievements isn't enough. Today in society, we lack of a important element. An element that has united mankind, that can prevent the break up of a nation, that has made us feel happy, that element is known as "Love". For years I have tried hard to claim victory, but my goals blinded me from giving my parent's love. I long to give them love, but now, all that's left to face, is the coffin of the person who gave so much to protect me. That proves how foolish mankind is."

In the camp, I salute the organizers that have made me cry for a shocking number of 3 times. I guess I'm really to starting to know the value of a family. They say "Work hard to pay the depths of your mom and dad." But I say, even if our parents lived for 220 years, we'll never ever be able to pay back what they have done for us.

Mom, Dad. I love you.

- 身骑白马-
* 世上有两样东西不能等，孝顺，行善…*

第五十八章：故事复杂了

Even when Life get's to the climax, yet I feel blank as I try to put up an update. This'll be the last update untill the mid-semester break. So I'm gonna spit out what ever I want to say.

Exam's around the corner. Sigh, I'm really left behind. I've only just started science and sejarah. I haven't touched a single thing if you talk about other subjects. The fear I have towards maths and BM, it's shaking my goosebumps off that I can't sleep tight during the nights. It's awful. I don't wanna dissapoint myself and my parents. But somehow I don't seem to have the spirit to go on saying "You can do it, buck up..." anymore. Result? I emo. Everyone is emo. Lol?

Second, Had some time lately to think about pollution and stuff. And I made an amazing discovery. Wanna know the main source that's harming the environment in Malaysia? Sime Darby should be blamed. Look at all the stuff they're building. It freaks me out. Mom told me that they would not even let go a football field around USJ 16. And so I wonder, how they manage to get approvals from the government that easily? Simple, a little bribe and adding up the person who is receiving the bribe, someone most probably from BN, things get so much easier. And then I went deeper, isn't there anyway to stop these people? Honestly, our only hope to reduce pollution will be the next national election. That's when more other parties win a little more seats in the parliament, then things won't get so easy for BN and Money suckers from Sime Darby. And so? Pollution can also be saved through election. WHAT???

Third, err... I don't feel like talking about it. It's something about wushu... whatever song of the week? Well, it's specially dedicated to "You"...

Paramore - The Only Exception

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now

I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

Add-ups : Hari Sukan? I'm not going, but I know merah tried if they aren't victorious tomorrow... Gambateh guys :D