第六十八章：最后一线希望

原来我从未意识到成长。最近申请了新加坡的奖学金，才慢慢发现自己，从过去的高傲，跌入了深谷。

我很享受自己小学的学习生涯。当时拥有的不只是光荣，家庭问题也没那么糟糕。那六年的时间，才叫快乐。回想起来，我从一年级开始发觉自己的潜能，因为一次大胆的尝试，参加了讲故事比赛，谁会想到，自己竟然得上了亚军。后来开始建立起了自信，每一年的比赛，
都开始由我的分，得奖也不例外，很少看到自己败落的一面，所以从未经历过失败的苦。小学一路走到了五年级，被选为校队选手，但因为经验不足，只获得了安慰奖，但自己已是心满意足，因为三位选手里，只有我获奖，然后本质也开始在自己没注意之下，开始有所变化。
我没有变得更谦虚，性格变得更高傲了。六年级的成绩也不赖，成为区域的代表，校内更适应了不少奖状，更被选为模范生的人选，这一年，也让我认识了有一个这样的环境可以念书- 换句话说，这一年是我第一次参加新加坡奖学金的考试。

毕业了以后，爸妈很努力为我报名就读公教中学，他们说，要在新加坡发展，唯一能依靠的本地中学，就是公教。我很天真地以为那是一个很轻易就能达成的目标，我自己清楚知道，要考上新加坡的学校，先要交出一张漂亮的成绩单，但自己却被高傲蒙蔽视线。我采取了第一步行动 – 参加演讲比赛。然后落败了。我参加了辩论，却因为无知和冲动，再加上自己微薄的实力，退出了。学校的考试成绩，一落千丈。他妈的，真得让我遇上了连环打击。随着步伐，我决定投入自己的学业，中二，总算让我遇到了少少的进步，我却蠢得没发现自己已经彻底忽略了课外活动的表现。无奈的过了两个月的年终假期，开学了，中三了，从经验吸取教训，虽然说没有做得很好，但自己的却尝试了低调办事，直到我再次报名新加坡奖学金的考试，我真地从七十二楼的光辉，跌入了十八层地狱。我只能用堕落感看着那一份表格上写着的字眼：”Outstanding achievements”, “Awards”. 我心想 “What the fuck do I have? 3 years of secondary school and I don’t have a fuckin certificate or achievement.” 

马虎的脚上了表格，鱼贯地走着，我从拥有一切，化为一无所有，亲情破灭，成绩衰落，此时此刻，我感觉自己输掉了全世界，什么都没有。但是有何奈？望着两手空空的掌心，我只能带着勉强的笑容，迈向明天，我真的办得到吗？不要告诉我相信自己就可以了，因为那不实际，因为鼓励只是一种假象。我还有第二个机会吗？不要告诉我机会永远存在，因为期望越高，你只会更加失望。拖着影子，我不能再质疑了，我只剩下一个月，那是我最后一线希望。

第六十七章：人都需要呐喊

First of all. No, this blog isn't dead. And yes, I've shut myself up for a long time for the TRIALS :D, which is all wasted because the TRIALS fucked me instead of me fucking the TRIALS. Interested in having a peek at my analysis? Here you have it:

                    BM: FUCKED                      

BI: TOTALLY FUCKED

BC: SURVIVED

SC: Shit.

MT: Fucked.

KH: Fucked.

SJ: 78. I'm fucking dissapointed.

GE: SURVIVED

I wish I could make a conclusion. But I can't go on. I feel like throwing up cause all I see is 'EPIC FAILURES."

Therefore, instead, I made another conclusion. Which is an inspiration gifted by racial news lately, the TRIALS, and my own thoughts - "WE ALL NEED TO SHOUT"

When the despicable spread propaganda's -"Cina balik cina" during a school assembly, we must start to realize that it has been 53 years of toleration. If this keeps up, the whole nation will take things for granted and 2020 is gonna be nothing but an unrealistic crap. We need to shout, AND DO WHAT'S BEST FOR EVERYONE FOR THE SAKE OF THE PROPAGANDA ( 1 MALAYSIA ). On the screens of transimissions, you bullshit about "Perpaduan." And then on the other side you do something else violating you bullshit, and then get back to square one and bullshit all over again. LOL?

When you start to feel stressed out because of hardcore life. You need to Shout out. Sick of the books? SHOUT. Sick of the notes? Shout. Sick of Sejarah? Shout. Because that's the only way to achieve zen at such periods of intensity.

DOES ANYONE GET WHAT I CRAPPED UP THERE? IF YES, LEAVE A COMMENT. GOOD LUCK DURING THE REAL PMR. TRIALS ARE MAKING ME DEPRESSED FOR THE TIMEBEING. T.T