第七十三章: 有了感情的负担

I hardly touch my blog anymore. Not due to laziness. But due to surprising flow of inspirations that crush my minds. To present them all out at once, is hectic. As a result, the ideas increase until it tops up like a mountain, and I stand on the summit, like an ant not knowing how to take care of it. But there's one thing that has been bothering me and I've just started to notice that it has fallen into a stage where it cannot be saved anymore, I'm talking about mom and her kindergarten, or perhaps you could put in another way, mom's burden of her lifetime.

A few weeks ago, I was in camp. the camp was estimated to last for a month. 2 weeks of class and actual camping activities to do, and another two weeks of free time. In the actual weeks, things rocked. It was hell fun, a few more friends from Johor came and join our big family. We learned to improve our skills in looking after kids and also, to be a little more srtict on our own attitude and daily acts. The learned lots of stuff and made lots of friends as well. After the actual week we took them to KL for a quick tour, I would never forget the silly idea of lingering around the Lau Yat plaza, targeting cellphones. And also how we had fun being vegetarians. Seriously, try going to McDonalds for fries with ketchup and chili sauce while ignoring the temptation Juicy Chicken thigh and beef patties, after you try that, do inform me if you don't feel awkward. Oh, and I also would not forget how we randomly looked at longed for Gundam SD model kits at Berjaya Times Square. Anyway, back to the topic. I had to leave the camp earlier than expected to help mom in the kindergarten, other teachers had their own plans and vacations. So, I obeyed orders.

Unusually, the kindergarten, had no enquiries.

To recall the history, mom established the kindy when I was standard 2. that would be around year 2003 and 2002. Back then it wasn't really packed, I suppose that mom, with hope, was keeping her hands crossed, hoping that the figures would shoot in a year or two. Although there was one year, when things were at the peak and they had a Not-So-Bad achievement, but ever since then, things did not get better, it got harder, tougher, and rougher. While figures were dropping, mom had to consider loads of stuff, the workers income, bills and stuff to pay, but the money flow that came in, became lesser, lesser and lesser. I started to realize that I had an amazing mother, who has carried that burden for over 7 years, imagine, how she'd manage to withstand such pressure, but always keeps her smile wide open to kids, when she has to suffer all that pain. I'm not saying physically but, mentally. And after all that suffocation, she doesn't give up, she always looked for solutions on her own, not even mentioning it to dad. Although the solutions never worked out, I admire her spirit.

And now, she has more problems to cope with, one of her biggest problems, will be to search for a new location for the kindergarten, as the owner of the house will be claiming back that huge comfortable house for sale. She only has three months, she has no new students next year, for now, and she has her purse, filled with miserable small notes, that will only last for a short time. But yet today, I saw how she continued to save keep her teaching and educating passion burning on, although things were about to weigh her down, she smiled at the children and shouted: "Drink your water!" I have to admit, I don't like her kindy, for one reason. I hate kids. But the burden she has carried all these years and refused to let go of, perhaps was the thing that has kept her going on. This burden perhaps, she will be willing to carry for another 10 years. If... if... she had the ability and strength to. Watching the era of Teratak Ilmu starting to shake, I don't have a clue whether it will go on, but there's one thing for sure, the house, is filled with lots of memorable memories, and laughter of children that mom will always remember, even when she tells me that :"Son, I don't want to do this anymore."

I end this post with silence, while my ears perk up as mom's laughter shifts through my ear canals.

-身骑白马-

这世界上最痛苦的感觉，就是看着自己呕心沥血的成就，慢慢地消失人间，化成尘埃。