第七十八章：灭亡

"If we continue to stay in this house, I won't be happy, you won't be happy, your dad won't be happy." I was stunted by the words, an assault of terrifying fears hunted my soul, I gave no reaction, trying to be calm, struggling against my inner demons, I swallowed up these ghouls of destruction, and paid attention to what mom wanted to continue with. "So I've decided, maybe with my current ability, we could move out into a not-too-low classed flat and stay with your aunt together, who knows if your cousin at Melaka might come and join the hood as well, but if that happens, surely something drastic will burst out from your dad, so what do you think?"

I kept quiet, giving no reply at all. My heart was devastated, it felt like falling into a deep endless large black hole. The worst case scenario that I had expected and gave 3 years of mental preparation to face was about to invade my temporary peaceful life, I knew I couldn't give much of an answer, I'm just 16, what the heck can I do? "We'll stay on like this first, I am still 2 years away from graduation, well, roughly, if I make a decision now, I'll mess up the entire process." That was the best reply I could think of, considering the fact of how nervous and scared I was. "Damn.", I thought. "Mom already has all her plans set to go. Any answer that I give would indicate that I'm choosing a side. I don't want things to split up. I'd rather things go on horrible like this than seeing the family I grew up in crush to bits, leaving no sign of evidence that I even grew up properly."

I was silent throughout the whole journey to school. A series of flashback came on to rip my mind, little pieces of evidence that hinted that this home was going down. Before going to Kelantan, a few hours before the flight, I woke up and mom told me, "Your dad doesn't want to fetch us to the airport, we're running out of time, pack now and we'll take a bus to KL Sentral, and then another to LCCT, quick!" I didn't believe it, dad wasn't the kind of person who would sulk and be irrational. Later, I received his call, I secretly answered it, he wanted to know our location, I told him and it was a relief, he wanted to fetch us, he just didn't gave mom a concrete response, so mom freaked out concluding that he was the "bad guy", but I know he wasn't, or else, he wouldn't have called us. Returning to KL, mom also decided to take public transportation to get home, she gave no sign of desperation that she wanted dad to fetch us. I threw away the comfort of relief straight away, it felt like she had lost the desire to hang on to their marriage, it felt like the only reason she kept going on for 3 years was because of me, she didn't want to dissapoint me. Back home, dad showed no mercy as well. Mom took out a wrist band that she bought for dad so that he could use it when he goes for jogs and workouts, until today, he hasn't even looked at the parcel. These little incidents made me feel more firm on the hypothesis, our family is falling.

Wednesday, it was after school where a heavy rain showered the earth. I planned to go home straight by bus, I was soaked all over thanks to the splashing raindrops, mom called and offered to fetch me, seeing that the rain was too heavy for me to handle. I took a bus to the nearest station where she was. I got down and a dramatic incident was laid before my eyes, hardly impossible for anyone to not notice it. In the middle of the road, under the shower, was a lady, seemed like an Indonesian. She was screaming while her cell phone was by her right ear, sending a message to tell someone to get away from her and die. Everyone went on to listen to that conversation, and then a typical Chinese man came out to give her a hand, intending to pull her back to the bus stop and to calm her down, she was in blast mode, and then the final sentence she passed out shocked my ears. "Go back to your father's house, don't ever call me your mom again, I don't want to see you, You're not my son!" She turned off her phone and was about to throw it out on to the road, the man stopped her, she continued to be emotionally unstable, still crying, angry, frustrated, wet, and devastated. I observed and realized that the woman was the man's maid, and the kind man wanted to help her solve her conflicts. The bus they intended to ride arrived, they got on and left.

Her words, actions, behavior paralyzed my mechanical system. I was barely able to move for a sec or two. What horrors would pop out if I ever happened to choose a side. I struggle with my thoughts, trying to deny every possibility created by my fears. If I choose the flat and my mom, dad goes haywire; if chose dad, mom would go haywire and who knows turn out to be that lady. If I leave after graduation and manage my life alone, both of them would go haywire and the war will never end. I gave mom an answer that would drag eveything until I finish SPM, will I encounter form 6? Will I tackle a course in college? Will I receive a scholarship? And if I do, what's next? My desires push me so that I would seek for help, and I fight with it oppositely, who? Who on earth should I tell? My teachers? What can they do rather than advice? My friends? Do I even have a true buddy to count on? My relatives? They have their own families, how much can they do? No one could help me. I slowly realize, this is a battle that I will have to command on my own. I only have 2 years, what the heck will I do?

This blog should be dead by now. No one might see this, but if ever someone sees this, please, no matter how much I annoy you in life, no matter how close you are to me in life, I'm not trying to sulk and boast my problems to the world, this is just a piece of advice, appreciate your family, don't wait till the end comes then only you regret. My case closes here.

The end.