第六十三章：美丽的丑陋

糟糕，越来越爱用华语了 : D
最近很多事情有所感触。

（一） 马来西亚
多么熟悉的四个字，踏在这一个国土上，尽管我平时埋怨了多少，心中还是会有那不少爱国的精神. 但，我见证了，不多，只是那少许的改变，或许足以让我去相信，那是一个未来繁荣富有的象征. 什么改变？就是最近在报章上，让人欢喜若狂的奖学金. 我想，首相自己也开始明白了，平等，公平的重要性.

（二） 你们看不到的轮廓
满懊恼的，在面子书上，竟为一张照片上，两个不同立场的争论，争到你死我活. 战绩最后却是我被大家在心脏上狠狠刻下的一道疤痕. 潜意识中，还在为它答辩，但我在认真思索，最终让我定下了结论 – “我真得很丑”.不，我还算五官端正，只是我心很丑. 不是吗？霸道，多多少少还是会有；固执，我承认我是我行我素；孤僻，狂傲. 这一些夸张与否，我在认错的同时，也想要呈清。这十五年来，就是因为这一些丑陋的元素，所以才让我画下了今天我世界里的彩虹，他让我坚持了十五年，对于未来在新加坡发展的信念. 它让我承受了，一共三年半的中学生涯，自己一个人走过了考验. 所以，我承认它丑陋，但它却丑得太美了.

（三） 生命可以消失一瞬间
昨天晚上，听了电台节目的一个环节，让我恐惧了十五分钟. 我突然想到了很极端的残酷 –“如果今天，爸妈去世了，我到何处寻找依靠？我跟他们，又有多少的回忆？”不仅仅他们剩下的时间不多，我也一样，我们都一样，没时间了，所谓的挽回，意义又何在？

Song of the Week
每天都是一种练习 - 陈绮贞

好几天了没有你的消息
才发现其实想着你
当爱被紧紧的锁在心底
自由就张开翅膀飞出去
还须要一点幽默的心情
才能面对你失望的离去
快乐的气氛也许能暂时逃避
却又让伤害更彻底
我被恐惧深深的囚禁
我没有力气逃出去
每天都是新的练习
用今天换走过去
用明天换走失去的
好几天了没有你的消息
才发现其实想着你
当爱被紧紧的锁在心底
自由就张开翅膀飞出去
还须要一点幽默的心情
才能面对你失望的离去
快乐的气氛也许能暂时逃避
却又让伤害更彻底
我被恐惧深深的囚禁
我没有力气逃出去
每天都是新的练习
用今天换走过去
用明天换走失去的
每天都是新的练习

*I'm ugly. But I survived*

第六十二章：过去，如今的为何

今天下午，和往常一样，坐在书作面前，写着历史的重要笔记。只是今天，有了少许的感触，不，不只是那少许的感触，正确些来形容，就是愤怒，愤怒政府，愤怒我们的死板，愤怒我们几十年来，还在进步中的懊恼。

我今天温习了第七课：独立的马来西亚，相信只要是有研究，有印象的人，都知道其中之一的内容，描述了新加坡，如何成为了马来西亚的一部分，也描述了，马来西亚如何遗憾的失去了，这一个先今状况，无论在经济或教育或是政治上，都比我们出色的国土（若有任何错误，请包含）。新加坡辉离开我们，主要有四大原因：

（一） 我们当初在经济上，无法给与他们一个令人满意的保证。

（二） 新加坡质疑我们马来西亚联邦宪法上，马来人原有的本土特权，并且曾尝试要求一个人人平等的情况。

（三） 新加坡指正当时的马华并没有尽责任保护华人的利益。

（四） 新加坡更提出了许多看法，导致种族上的争议。根据课本所提供解释，这些点点滴滴，省直威胁了国家的安全？？？

细读到了这一个地步，我的心开始像火炉一样，燃耗了起来。翻开了下一业，才让人火上加油。咱们伟大的“东姑”说了一句话：“Jika kita tidak pisah pada hari ini, Sudah pasti pembunuhan yang menggerunkan akan berlaku ”

我在第一时间把书和笔记簿先关上，把眼睛闭下来，开始进入政治型的思维，如果当时，新加坡所开出的四大条件，政府都实现，并继续保留着新加坡。或许，我们可能看到的是一个像话的一个马来西亚，这一句话，或许不会引起争议，更不会让人有所质疑。我们可能看到的，是一个纯粹团结的力量，没有任何外界的影响，2020，更不可能只是个妄想的梦途。我们更不会有所外的人才外流，我们的名声，可能在亚洲是顶呱呱。我们的教育制度，或许不会那么复杂，也更不需要那么多的调换，训练出来的可能是更加精英的精英，或许我们在经济上的表现会比现在好很多。（尽管如此，我不排除新加坡今天大成就，其中最大的原因就是它的地方非常小，容易统治。）

把整个推测拉回我们面对的现实，光耀的出发点错吗？他想要一个更美好的国度，所以尽力提出了这些敏感的种族课题，希望政府不执著于过去，我们祖先所立下的决定 – “Keistimewaan hak Melayu dan bumiputera.”, 我们或许更加繁荣，所以为何我们不作出改变，为何还要去捆绑政治上的敏感？我们获得平安，却永远品尝不了成功的滋味，到头来，我们损失还是得益？一句话，敏感，不是因为我唯恐天下不乱，而是因为，我真的爱我的国家。I love my country.

-身骑白马-

81．36如果对你来说是个成就，那你当初为何决定要到新加坡发展？

第六十一章：冲破顶端

Another 6 more weeks till we sit for trials. NIE is finally finished, so is the arca. Next up, perhaps, gonna organize a visit to old folks home and orphanage for 3A4. Hope it'll succeed. Also in the meantime, doing some real intensive revision, I don't think there will be any free time for me to go out and relax. What's to be happy is my purata though, manage to maintain it above 80. The exact figure should be 81.4 if not mistaken. I'll keep my fingers crossed for that class position. Speaking about it, our class seems very lag, other classes already have their photos, but we still haven't got ours. Other classes all ready have their positions and results, while I don't know what Pn.Premah is up to. Just gotta keep waiting.

Phyllis left us today, she'll be transferring to an international school, all the best Phyllis! Don't forget the wonderful times you had with the friends you made in 3A4. Never never delete those photos in your DSLR. When the bell rang today, everyone was surrounding her saying goodbyes and farewell. According to Jo-Ee's blog, Chee Hong gave her a hug. WOW. And I just thought of this saying my primary teacher once told me when I graduated. "Departures aren't made to separate relations, they are made to let us know how warm it feels to reunite."

Departures huh? Life is such a long journey with all the partings and landings. How do we value it. What's the value of life to you? For me, I just don't want to live with regrets, I want to pursue that musical dream and out stand one day. There are so many elements in life, but never lack of one important part that I lack of. Friendship. That's a sincere advice for ya. For me, I don't care how much things can make me suffocate, I won't give a rat's ass about the obstacles, there's nothing to be afraid of, you see an obstacles, eliminate in and progress, don't stop walking until you reach the summit.

This is a song of inspiration and also the song of the week. I believe I posted the MV on facebook.我是一只小小鸟 - 丁当

有时后我觉得自己像一只小小鸟
想要飞 却怎么样也飞不高
也许有一天我栖上枝头 却成为猎人的目标
我飞上了青天才发现自己从此无依无靠
每次到了夜深人静的时候我总是睡不着
我怀疑是不是只有我的明天没有变得更好
未来会怎样究竟有谁会知道
幸福是否只是一种传说 我永远都找不到
我是一只小小小小鸟 想要飞呀飞却飞也飞不高
我寻寻觅觅寻寻觅觅一个温暖的怀抱
这样的要求算不算太高

所有知道我的名字的人啊你们好不好
世界是如此的小 我们注定无处可逃
当我 尽人情冷暖 当你决定为你了的理想燃烧
生活的压力与生命的尊严哪一个重要
我是一只小小小小鸟 想要飞呀飞却飞也飞不高
我寻寻觅觅寻寻觅觅一个温暖的怀抱
这样的要求算不算太高?

第六十章：归路

I survived my camps during the two weeks of school break, I crossed over my birthday, and survived amazingly after 3 days most of the examination papers are returned. Not Satisfying but yet as expected, obviously I could have done better, up next would be the trials and then the BIG BANG (PMR). As a conclusion, it's back to life again Yu Han, buck up.

Not much to talk about, since there aren't any real stuff I can talk about. I'm not in the World Cup Mood. Besides, like what Wei Jian said at facebook, This is officially the worst world cup ever. It even upsets me to see North Korea getting pawned to the corner. I laughed my ass out when I read to Star article : "A potful of goals." But what I can really discuss about is the latest educational issue, abolishing UPSR and PMR. Seriously, Muhyiddin, S.T.F.U, no, not Shut The F*** Up, it's "Save Tomorrow For Us." Come up with some better ideas, don't waste your ass load of time on some priceless idea. YOU SAID THAT THE EXAMINATIONS ARE STRESSING THE STUDENTS, HELL NO!!!

I personally think the root of all problems come from the misuse of results and figures, the society today put so much attention on getting the figures that they forget what is the purpose of a government examination. Anyways to solve the damn thing? I'm afraid it's too late. What the government can do right now, is stop stressing on results, on comparing the percentages between all schools in Malaysia. Slight changes should be made on the syllabus, don't make it so easy, make it a little more challenging and enough will be enough. Revalue the teachers and fire those who are obviously not doing any good for education, remain those who are really worthy of what we call a teacher.

Song Of The Week
风中的羽翼 - 杨培安

黑夜过后太阳就要升起
暴风雨过后也就会天睛
让我们一起手牵手向前
彩虹就在我们心底
人生路一定有风也有雨
用泪水灌溉生命的勇气
用希望化作风中的羽翼
让梦带走心中的忧郁
你陪伴我穿越过高山和大海
我的心有你才会澎湃
我愿意放弃所有坚持和骄傲
相信你因为相信爱

第五十九章：哭泣，战越自我的那一刻

Dead blog? Nope, I'll keep it alive, but very seldom from this moment on. Suppose after the exams, This blog should be frequently updated, but hey, there are a lines of battles coming up after the month, and I don't want to end up like this exam, but I gotta admit, peeking wasn't so hard after all. *Coughs*.I don't have anticipations this time, not looking forward to the figures, I'm definitely dropping this time, what shocks me is Sejarah, my strongest subject, I LOST TO MY CONFIDENCE !!! 50/60!!!! T.T.

Back to business, there's definitely a reason for that title up there, "Teardrops, the moment I cross the borders." Yep, as usual, I went to the camp for the 3rd time. But I'll try to make my inspiration short.

I once read an article online which really kept me thinking and wondering for some time. (Unfortunately I can't find the article now.)

"Life is just like a cycle of battles, the moment we land on the earth, the moment we start to feel the touch of the doctor's palms, we are resisting pain, we fight, and we start to grow up, we walk, talk, learn, gain knowledge, and by the stage of a teenager. We start the toughest struggles of life. We're clear of our goals, we fight to achieve the figures, just so an "A" on the report card can draw smiles on our parents faces, but then I *the writer* start to realize, no matter how great the "A" is, my dad seems to be losing a part of himself, soon, the same goes for my mom too. Haven't I tried hard? It's an "A" after all. The "mystery" continued until one day I had woken up from the foolishness of my thoughts.

Humans are fighting, the battles are countless, we have our goals, that is all true. But living a life full of achievements isn't enough. Today in society, we lack of a important element. An element that has united mankind, that can prevent the break up of a nation, that has made us feel happy, that element is known as "Love". For years I have tried hard to claim victory, but my goals blinded me from giving my parent's love. I long to give them love, but now, all that's left to face, is the coffin of the person who gave so much to protect me. That proves how foolish mankind is."

In the camp, I salute the organizers that have made me cry for a shocking number of 3 times. I guess I'm really to starting to know the value of a family. They say "Work hard to pay the depths of your mom and dad." But I say, even if our parents lived for 220 years, we'll never ever be able to pay back what they have done for us.

Mom, Dad. I love you.

- 身骑白马-
* 世上有两样东西不能等，孝顺，行善…*

第五十八章：故事复杂了

Even when Life get's to the climax, yet I feel blank as I try to put up an update. This'll be the last update untill the mid-semester break. So I'm gonna spit out what ever I want to say.

Exam's around the corner. Sigh, I'm really left behind. I've only just started science and sejarah. I haven't touched a single thing if you talk about other subjects. The fear I have towards maths and BM, it's shaking my goosebumps off that I can't sleep tight during the nights. It's awful. I don't wanna dissapoint myself and my parents. But somehow I don't seem to have the spirit to go on saying "You can do it, buck up..." anymore. Result? I emo. Everyone is emo. Lol?

Second, Had some time lately to think about pollution and stuff. And I made an amazing discovery. Wanna know the main source that's harming the environment in Malaysia? Sime Darby should be blamed. Look at all the stuff they're building. It freaks me out. Mom told me that they would not even let go a football field around USJ 16. And so I wonder, how they manage to get approvals from the government that easily? Simple, a little bribe and adding up the person who is receiving the bribe, someone most probably from BN, things get so much easier. And then I went deeper, isn't there anyway to stop these people? Honestly, our only hope to reduce pollution will be the next national election. That's when more other parties win a little more seats in the parliament, then things won't get so easy for BN and Money suckers from Sime Darby. And so? Pollution can also be saved through election. WHAT???

Third, err... I don't feel like talking about it. It's something about wushu... whatever song of the week? Well, it's specially dedicated to "You"...

Paramore - The Only Exception

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now

I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

Add-ups : Hari Sukan? I'm not going, but I know merah tried if they aren't victorious tomorrow... Gambateh guys :D

第五十六章：世纪性的感触

“我从你们的呈现中，感受不到团队精神。。。”

And so I wonder, how long will it take till I get to see true unity in every project that commences in my secondary life. I've been in Catholic High School for two years, well, to be precise, it's been more than that, but never once have I felt the full contribution of every soul in every team I have been in. When I was in my first year, NIE totally pissed me off, Don't wanna mention about it. In form 2, my sivik projek was about to murder me, I was willing to go solo, and ever since then, people around me would think : "Yu Han should learn how to team up."(Somehow I suppose?) Team up? I gave my life and time on every project I did, but when I get serious every other team mates will be distracted, that pisses me off the most. Fine, then perhaps I'll do it the simple way, by giving jobs equally along everyone, we'll set a deadline and everyone hands in the damn sheet. When the fated day comes, I only receive excuses. Is it my prob or yours? Me being all alone today I must admit somehow sources from those facts. Screw me or you? Fuck.

Back to the schedule, I had to stay back for school as I had a camp meeting, It was supposed to start at 2 but started 15 minutes late due to speed problems, girls tend to take their sweet time eh? Really don't get it though, I am the one being serious but yet I'm the one getting fucked. They're the ones playing around while they get their benefits. That's it. Don't wanna talk about it. The meeting as usual met up with conflicts. Some one is suspecting the way of the activity that I suggested and shall lead. I'll have to do a presentation next week. So whoever that was who suspected, a nice "Fuck you" I wish to you.

Emo-ness? I emo-ed today. When I was waiting alone at 3A2 for the meeting. And yes I can't doubt it. I was thinking about you. Looked outside the windows and stared at the skies just like usual.

Having a performance tomorrow night. I'll need all my strength. So I'll stop here.

Song of the week

听见牛在哭

疲惫的旅途 谁还记得来时路
我们都是生命的俘虏
要怎么说才清楚

盲目 苛求幸福 越盲却越孤独
还不认输 单纯的付出
为她一笑而哭 一而再迷路
情感像那首歌 在梦里反复
一只牛要卖五千块
五千块要买一只牛
若注定这就是归宿
谁听见牛在哭
晨雾中看不清终点
回家的路

-身骑白马-

*Fallin for you=D*