第五十九章：哭泣，战越自我的那一刻

Dead blog? Nope, I'll keep it alive, but very seldom from this moment on. Suppose after the exams, This blog should be frequently updated, but hey, there are a lines of battles coming up after the month, and I don't want to end up like this exam, but I gotta admit, peeking wasn't so hard after all. *Coughs*.I don't have anticipations this time, not looking forward to the figures, I'm definitely dropping this time, what shocks me is Sejarah, my strongest subject, I LOST TO MY CONFIDENCE !!! 50/60!!!! T.T.

Back to business, there's definitely a reason for that title up there, "Teardrops, the moment I cross the borders." Yep, as usual, I went to the camp for the 3rd time. But I'll try to make my inspiration short.

I once read an article online which really kept me thinking and wondering for some time. (Unfortunately I can't find the article now.)

"Life is just like a cycle of battles, the moment we land on the earth, the moment we start to feel the touch of the doctor's palms, we are resisting pain, we fight, and we start to grow up, we walk, talk, learn, gain knowledge, and by the stage of a teenager. We start the toughest struggles of life. We're clear of our goals, we fight to achieve the figures, just so an "A" on the report card can draw smiles on our parents faces, but then I *the writer* start to realize, no matter how great the "A" is, my dad seems to be losing a part of himself, soon, the same goes for my mom too. Haven't I tried hard? It's an "A" after all. The "mystery" continued until one day I had woken up from the foolishness of my thoughts.

Humans are fighting, the battles are countless, we have our goals, that is all true. But living a life full of achievements isn't enough. Today in society, we lack of a important element. An element that has united mankind, that can prevent the break up of a nation, that has made us feel happy, that element is known as "Love". For years I have tried hard to claim victory, but my goals blinded me from giving my parent's love. I long to give them love, but now, all that's left to face, is the coffin of the person who gave so much to protect me. That proves how foolish mankind is."

In the camp, I salute the organizers that have made me cry for a shocking number of 3 times. I guess I'm really to starting to know the value of a family. They say "Work hard to pay the depths of your mom and dad." But I say, even if our parents lived for 220 years, we'll never ever be able to pay back what they have done for us.

Mom, Dad. I love you.

- 身骑白马-
* 世上有两样东西不能等，孝顺，行善…*

第五十八章：故事复杂了

Even when Life get's to the climax, yet I feel blank as I try to put up an update. This'll be the last update untill the mid-semester break. So I'm gonna spit out what ever I want to say.

Exam's around the corner. Sigh, I'm really left behind. I've only just started science and sejarah. I haven't touched a single thing if you talk about other subjects. The fear I have towards maths and BM, it's shaking my goosebumps off that I can't sleep tight during the nights. It's awful. I don't wanna dissapoint myself and my parents. But somehow I don't seem to have the spirit to go on saying "You can do it, buck up..." anymore. Result? I emo. Everyone is emo. Lol?

Second, Had some time lately to think about pollution and stuff. And I made an amazing discovery. Wanna know the main source that's harming the environment in Malaysia? Sime Darby should be blamed. Look at all the stuff they're building. It freaks me out. Mom told me that they would not even let go a football field around USJ 16. And so I wonder, how they manage to get approvals from the government that easily? Simple, a little bribe and adding up the person who is receiving the bribe, someone most probably from BN, things get so much easier. And then I went deeper, isn't there anyway to stop these people? Honestly, our only hope to reduce pollution will be the next national election. That's when more other parties win a little more seats in the parliament, then things won't get so easy for BN and Money suckers from Sime Darby. And so? Pollution can also be saved through election. WHAT???

Third, err... I don't feel like talking about it. It's something about wushu... whatever song of the week? Well, it's specially dedicated to "You"...

Paramore - The Only Exception

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now

I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

Add-ups : Hari Sukan? I'm not going, but I know merah tried if they aren't victorious tomorrow... Gambateh guys :D

第五十六章：世纪性的感触

“我从你们的呈现中，感受不到团队精神。。。”

And so I wonder, how long will it take till I get to see true unity in every project that commences in my secondary life. I've been in Catholic High School for two years, well, to be precise, it's been more than that, but never once have I felt the full contribution of every soul in every team I have been in. When I was in my first year, NIE totally pissed me off, Don't wanna mention about it. In form 2, my sivik projek was about to murder me, I was willing to go solo, and ever since then, people around me would think : "Yu Han should learn how to team up."(Somehow I suppose?) Team up? I gave my life and time on every project I did, but when I get serious every other team mates will be distracted, that pisses me off the most. Fine, then perhaps I'll do it the simple way, by giving jobs equally along everyone, we'll set a deadline and everyone hands in the damn sheet. When the fated day comes, I only receive excuses. Is it my prob or yours? Me being all alone today I must admit somehow sources from those facts. Screw me or you? Fuck.

Back to the schedule, I had to stay back for school as I had a camp meeting, It was supposed to start at 2 but started 15 minutes late due to speed problems, girls tend to take their sweet time eh? Really don't get it though, I am the one being serious but yet I'm the one getting fucked. They're the ones playing around while they get their benefits. That's it. Don't wanna talk about it. The meeting as usual met up with conflicts. Some one is suspecting the way of the activity that I suggested and shall lead. I'll have to do a presentation next week. So whoever that was who suspected, a nice "Fuck you" I wish to you.

Emo-ness? I emo-ed today. When I was waiting alone at 3A2 for the meeting. And yes I can't doubt it. I was thinking about you. Looked outside the windows and stared at the skies just like usual.

Having a performance tomorrow night. I'll need all my strength. So I'll stop here.

Song of the week

听见牛在哭

疲惫的旅途 谁还记得来时路
我们都是生命的俘虏
要怎么说才清楚

盲目 苛求幸福 越盲却越孤独
还不认输 单纯的付出
为她一笑而哭 一而再迷路
情感像那首歌 在梦里反复
一只牛要卖五千块
五千块要买一只牛
若注定这就是归宿
谁听见牛在哭
晨雾中看不清终点
回家的路

-身骑白马-

*Fallin for you=D*

第五十五章：生命的终止

I felt like time and life started to stop lately. So the title up there's kinda random. If you'd think that the blog's dead, I just managed to squeeze some time up to revive it, kay?

1) Why time and life stopped? Because I've reached a point where I find no reason to keep the spirit going on. Quite some bumps blocked me lately. A little depression for not entering the finals. Eventually fallin' for you day after day after day, somehow I think it's quite unbelievable, projects and presentations. And most of all, the second battle, 2nd term examination. It kinda freaks me out to know that PMR is near very soon. My projects are so far so good, but I'm kinda left behind if it's about preparations for exams. I've hardly been able to keep up lately except for a few subjects like Sejarah and Science. I'm real worried and I conclude that it's quite depressing now.

2) Something quite fun about 3A4 lately though is our crazy culture - "The human strip" a.k.a Kai Bao. Loads of people have been stripped lately. Its somehow like a drug that can cool you down for a second or two. But once you return to reality, you just gotta face it.

3) I'm in love with the sky. I lately like to sit at one spot of the park near my house and stare at the great blue sky. It releases my stress and it reminds me of you. I wonder, how you're doing. Is your treatment going well, does it hurt? Or are you lonely. Possibly not. But I am. If normal humans have partners, I only have the sky, it's not anyone's fault, it's my weakness. Perhaps on some circumstances, Ven Zheat was right, I'm always doing things on my own. Wasn't it always like this? I've been walking these roads step by step without a whisper of any being, except a shadow walking behind me. I'm lonely, Real lonely, but I asked for it. Screw me.

-身骑白马-

*I don't know, I don't want to speak, hear, or glare... I just want a little credit, is that to much to ask for??*

第五十四章：余音

踏, 那陈旧的舞台，

望，音力一波穿透，

唱，那梦想的音旋，

停，犹豫这段间奏，

闯，这副歌的力量，

然后潮起潮落，

宁静了大殿华堂，

余音，就是生命留下的遗憾，

人生不只限于舞台，

更是最巨大的演奏，

等待最后，流芳百世，

所谓的余音…

- 身骑白马 -

第五十三章：大马

Yay! Lets talk about politics after some time of depression shall we? Entitled: "The top 5 problems we see in Malaysia." Why I'm writing this? Coz I'm pissed off by the Malays.
1) Education
- Obvious right? How many of us agree to the style of how malaysian authorities work on the system education? I'll give a few examples. Prob No. 1, Syllabus in primary school, subject mathematics, We're all clear that we learn 10's 100's 1000's right? I don't know if you remember but we used to have this cube made of hundreds of tiny cubes right? That's time waste, why even bother to count 1000 when you know how 100 works? And it even pisses me off when I see the subtraction, addition, multiplication, division of tens, hundreds and thousands... WHY BOTHER TO COUNT THE SUM OF 3 HUNDREDS WHEN YOU KNOW HOW TO SUM UP 3 TENS? If its so damn clear that Malaysia is far away behind internationally with all the human resources flying off to other countries, don't you think its time to change? Stop teaching "ABC", rather, you should start teaching "grammar", get it big guy? Prob No. 2, STOP MAKING CHINESE STRUGGLE TO GET WHAT THEY SHOULD GET. WHEN THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF GENIUSES WAITING, YOU CHOOSE THE NORMAL ONES, WHATS WRONG WITH YA??? Seriously, this condition makes me feel like we're learning answering techniques instead of useful knowledge, because we need to fulfill our quota to get scholarships and stuff, there's no benefit in it, not at all!!!

2) Politics
- Instead of creating issues, why not focus on how to improve the lives of 200 billions of malaysians? By that time, you'll get the support you want right? You happy, I happy, Today was a fairytale with the happy ending. Case close. Its that simple.

3) Satu Malaysia
- I've got millions of doubts to this, there are Malays out there actually saying that their clan had to make sacrifices and tolerate with other clans just so chinese could live peaceful lives in this land. LOL? Where is the spirit? What ya mean by sacrifice, talking like the king of this land, We were suppose to share the land together, it wasn't even the matter about yours or mine in the first place, why make the fuss? Second Issue, I read this article in Utusan Melayu a few months ago, it was mainly about asking chinese to stop criticizing UMNO, he said, "Look at their good side instead of the bad side." The main point is "Are there goods in UMNO?" Yeah good for you Malays, they side you and they hardly help the chinese. You say that what we have today was fought by UMNO, is it 100% the way you say it is? Is this Satu Malaysia? I say no comment.

身骑白马
只注重过程，不在乎结果，那只在团康上成立，但来到现实，这是你不该抱的态度，除非你从未想过未来会是一个什么样的结果

第五十二章：寂寞的伤痕

I creep in front of the empty screen,
as a shattered soul,
locked in a faux under the stars so sorrow,
Each word type,
I add a scar to my chest,
Each letter I cross,
I feel the pain,
Each thing I arrange,
I hurt so badly it makes me mad.

I wonder and hesitate sometimes,
why life is only black and white,
I pass by without a meaning,
No one understands me,
Not even my parents...

I wonder and hesitate sometimes,
why life is only black and white,
I meet with the shit and ass,
I'm left with all the mess,
They don't show no pity,
Instead things go as granted,
and I suffer the pain...

Life is a horror,
I pay and give, yet nothing in return...
So what values are left behind?
Or I shouldn't hope for payment?

I don't know lord...
I crouch upon the chair...
Down drops the tear of April,
Signifying unhappiness...
I'm so lonely, can you read me?
No... I hear nothing...
its empty...