第五十五章：生命的终止

I felt like time and life started to stop lately. So the title up there's kinda random. If you'd think that the blog's dead, I just managed to squeeze some time up to revive it, kay?

1) Why time and life stopped? Because I've reached a point where I find no reason to keep the spirit going on. Quite some bumps blocked me lately. A little depression for not entering the finals. Eventually fallin' for you day after day after day, somehow I think it's quite unbelievable, projects and presentations. And most of all, the second battle, 2nd term examination. It kinda freaks me out to know that PMR is near very soon. My projects are so far so good, but I'm kinda left behind if it's about preparations for exams. I've hardly been able to keep up lately except for a few subjects like Sejarah and Science. I'm real worried and I conclude that it's quite depressing now.

2) Something quite fun about 3A4 lately though is our crazy culture - "The human strip" a.k.a Kai Bao. Loads of people have been stripped lately. Its somehow like a drug that can cool you down for a second or two. But once you return to reality, you just gotta face it.

3) I'm in love with the sky. I lately like to sit at one spot of the park near my house and stare at the great blue sky. It releases my stress and it reminds me of you. I wonder, how you're doing. Is your treatment going well, does it hurt? Or are you lonely. Possibly not. But I am. If normal humans have partners, I only have the sky, it's not anyone's fault, it's my weakness. Perhaps on some circumstances, Ven Zheat was right, I'm always doing things on my own. Wasn't it always like this? I've been walking these roads step by step without a whisper of any being, except a shadow walking behind me. I'm lonely, Real lonely, but I asked for it. Screw me.

-身骑白马-

*I don't know, I don't want to speak, hear, or glare... I just want a little credit, is that to much to ask for??*

第五十四章：余音

踏, 那陈旧的舞台，

望，音力一波穿透，

唱，那梦想的音旋，

停，犹豫这段间奏，

闯，这副歌的力量，

然后潮起潮落，

宁静了大殿华堂，

余音，就是生命留下的遗憾，

人生不只限于舞台，

更是最巨大的演奏，

等待最后，流芳百世，

所谓的余音…

- 身骑白马 -

第五十三章：大马

Yay! Lets talk about politics after some time of depression shall we? Entitled: "The top 5 problems we see in Malaysia." Why I'm writing this? Coz I'm pissed off by the Malays.
1) Education
- Obvious right? How many of us agree to the style of how malaysian authorities work on the system education? I'll give a few examples. Prob No. 1, Syllabus in primary school, subject mathematics, We're all clear that we learn 10's 100's 1000's right? I don't know if you remember but we used to have this cube made of hundreds of tiny cubes right? That's time waste, why even bother to count 1000 when you know how 100 works? And it even pisses me off when I see the subtraction, addition, multiplication, division of tens, hundreds and thousands... WHY BOTHER TO COUNT THE SUM OF 3 HUNDREDS WHEN YOU KNOW HOW TO SUM UP 3 TENS? If its so damn clear that Malaysia is far away behind internationally with all the human resources flying off to other countries, don't you think its time to change? Stop teaching "ABC", rather, you should start teaching "grammar", get it big guy? Prob No. 2, STOP MAKING CHINESE STRUGGLE TO GET WHAT THEY SHOULD GET. WHEN THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF GENIUSES WAITING, YOU CHOOSE THE NORMAL ONES, WHATS WRONG WITH YA??? Seriously, this condition makes me feel like we're learning answering techniques instead of useful knowledge, because we need to fulfill our quota to get scholarships and stuff, there's no benefit in it, not at all!!!

2) Politics
- Instead of creating issues, why not focus on how to improve the lives of 200 billions of malaysians? By that time, you'll get the support you want right? You happy, I happy, Today was a fairytale with the happy ending. Case close. Its that simple.

3) Satu Malaysia
- I've got millions of doubts to this, there are Malays out there actually saying that their clan had to make sacrifices and tolerate with other clans just so chinese could live peaceful lives in this land. LOL? Where is the spirit? What ya mean by sacrifice, talking like the king of this land, We were suppose to share the land together, it wasn't even the matter about yours or mine in the first place, why make the fuss? Second Issue, I read this article in Utusan Melayu a few months ago, it was mainly about asking chinese to stop criticizing UMNO, he said, "Look at their good side instead of the bad side." The main point is "Are there goods in UMNO?" Yeah good for you Malays, they side you and they hardly help the chinese. You say that what we have today was fought by UMNO, is it 100% the way you say it is? Is this Satu Malaysia? I say no comment.

身骑白马
只注重过程，不在乎结果，那只在团康上成立，但来到现实，这是你不该抱的态度，除非你从未想过未来会是一个什么样的结果

第五十二章：寂寞的伤痕

I creep in front of the empty screen,
as a shattered soul,
locked in a faux under the stars so sorrow,
Each word type,
I add a scar to my chest,
Each letter I cross,
I feel the pain,
Each thing I arrange,
I hurt so badly it makes me mad.

I wonder and hesitate sometimes,
why life is only black and white,
I pass by without a meaning,
No one understands me,
Not even my parents...

I wonder and hesitate sometimes,
why life is only black and white,
I meet with the shit and ass,
I'm left with all the mess,
They don't show no pity,
Instead things go as granted,
and I suffer the pain...

Life is a horror,
I pay and give, yet nothing in return...
So what values are left behind?
Or I shouldn't hope for payment?

I don't know lord...
I crouch upon the chair...
Down drops the tear of April,
Signifying unhappiness...
I'm so lonely, can you read me?
No... I hear nothing...
its empty...

第五十一章: 思索我的轮廓

51st post of my blog. Just noticed lately that every blog has its birthday just like us humans. So I decided to check on my bloggy. And oh!!! Its still far away... So anyway, back to the update.
FIRST!!! Kelantan trip...

Day 1:
Rushed back home straight away after school, fortunate enough there wasn't any jam. Reached home and dad was ready to fetch us to LCCT. Tummy starved and I could munch a whole cow. Went to check-in first and then only had lunch. 3.30 and Mom rushed into the gates at the speed of light. And then the main part came. The stupid police that was on duty scanned my mom's pencil box and took away her stapler and scissors. (WTF, The last time when I went to Sabah, this didin't happen, now it happens. Whats the definition for consistency?) Skip that annoying part.

Sat down. And then was informed of a fake news - flight delay, C'mon, the plane arrived right on time!! Don't scare us. When I arrived, uncle and cousin sister was there. Fetch us back to Wakaf Bharu. Uncle suddenly wanted to buy Nasi Dagang and Kerabu Hitam.(Lol? Dinner is near and you still want 3 packets?) No wonder he has a round tummy. Greedy.

At night. Ate dinner as if we reunited. Ate at Cheng Mai restaurant. Damn full because relatives left little bits of scraps for me, knowing how much I can eat. 11.30 p.m., decided to follow cousins to Pasir Mas to spend the night, Mom stays at Wakaf Bharu. When I arrived, I surfed the net for a while and then slept like a log.

Day 2:
The big day. Cousin woke me up at 6.41. Eyes were exhausted, Went to clean up, and then took off to the graves, spended like 2 hours there cleaning up the graves. I have to admit that the burning smoke was irritating. After that, went to have breakfast, nasi kukus with ayam panggang and rendang lembu. Absolutely satisfying. After that, relatives took me to Rantau Panjang. A duty-free area where you can shop for imitated stuff and brands. (Well, its the brand where you and I know very well, the tick and the triangle.)

The one thing that was funny and cocky, was the Crocs Shoe. They have this price tag on it to make you believe like its real but rejected, but take a closer look, the code on each tag is the same (= . =)
And then continued rounding, mom shopped for stuff too, she saw a fake MU jersey and bought it for me, thanks mom. And then I went to look for my uncle, guess what? He was busy trying on shoes, and ended up buying 4 pairs of fake Nike and 3 pairs of fake Adidas shoe. I asked him for an explanation, here's what he said " I'll take these back to Sabah and sell them, and then I'll make a good fortune." (...)

On the way back, stopped by a Thai Buddhist temple, guess what legend hides behind it? The sleeping buddha!! It was enormous. Pictures? Later upload. Lazy.

Day 3:
Plan to wash shoes today (Don't forget I went to the air port with my school shoes and uniform on.) But I was lazy, and relatives also invited me to somewhere similar to Rantau Panjang. That was pangkalan Kubor. So mom asked my aunt's Kakak to wash my shoes. Yay, problem solved.

Wel Pangkalan Kubor wasn't as fun as Rantau. But at least got to see the difference. Slept through the whole afternoon. At night, mom went to Pasir Mas because she wanted to give some free tution for my cousin sisters who don't even know their timestable at the age of 11. I stayed upstairs surfing the net again. I have to say one thing. Maxis broadband is so unstable.

Day 4:
RETURNED HOME!!!

SECOND!!! What I earned from the trip?
Relatives gave me his ADIDAS SHOE!!! (No, its not fake) Fake MU JERSEY!!! (Yes, definitly fake.) And two Thai Buddhist Tok Raja Rare Amulets.( Nope they are not normal, one can cost up to 4000 bucks Malaysia ringgit.)

As a result? I'm Happy and I'm not forgetting that the second exam is not far!!!
Countdown 2 months and a week.

第五十章: 乡风

After waiting for a week and 3 sickening days, I'll be departing to Kelantan tomorrow, for Ching Ming.
Well, I'm not gonna ask you to not miss me, its pointless. Here's some lyrics that I'd like to share, if you're smart enough, this was meant as an advice, hope you notice who you are...

风 - 陈诗莉

风要我迅速撤离 它要我离开你 它要我成全你们在一起 重伤的爱情凝不成泪滴 无语

风曾带我到天际 在那里遇见你 主宰的你掌握一切魔力 刹那间我从云端坠落到无靠无依

风看过爱的叱吒 也见过我的崩塌 好伤 你背叛你的牵挂 我以为我会害怕 我不怕

风要我把你放下 别让恨变成代价 算了吧 你让我一夜长大 见识到人性真假 想说的话找不到人说话 风静静吹着我的心 成流沙

And, one more thing...














Man Utd vs Liverpool 2 - 1!!!!!!!!

- 身 骑 白 马-
* Its all about the figures...*

第四十九章: 陌生人

The wonderful night that fit for a review, I lay down on my bed, Glancing at that thick pile of paper, it was definitely "Sejarah Input". I turned through the pages, trying to search for the feel that I had a year ago, and there was this voice I heard, there were 2, the source, clearly from downstairs, the living room. And there went my dad and mom, discussing about me and my perfect little life.

Curiosity kills, my curiosity automatically lead me out side my room, and there I overheard a conversation from upstairs, that then after spoiled and crushed myself into bits and bits. This was what they truely thought about me? Irresponsible, proud over a result that they did not recognize, I was a body with holes, the corrosion of habits, causing me such a terrible price to pay. And here, I have to state it out, before these words start to kill me...

I'm irresponsible? Just because I DRIP A FEW BITS OF WATER ON THE FLOOR AFTER BATH?
I'm irresponsible? Just because I LEFT THE TAP OPEN FOR THAT TWICE???? Dad, ever since you nagged at me for the incident, bathing wasn't pleasure anymore, it was like look out any time for water drops or you'll get a scolding again. Bathing while looking out for thieves. Bathing was to be careful for any disaster like dripping a drop of water on the floor. Checking the tap and close it tightly cause you'll scold me even if the tap drips a little. Responsibility? If I did not gain responsibility, I need not sit in front of the study table everyday and not leaving it for 5 hours, do a survey damn it, how many 15 year old kid can sit down and input a whole fucking lot of data into their brains? If I did not gain responsibility, I need not practice my piano everyday, you claim that I don't cause you don't get to see it when I do, And everytime when I defend myself saying yes I did practice, you say there's no point continuing to talk my son. Responsibility? Just because you became so damn independant when you were young, doesn't mean that these small things that I;m doing doesn't count as responsibility. You feel worried? I feel sad, lost, dissapointed.

Second issue, I came downstairs to inform mom about some important things about piano, I was going to have replacement class on tuesday, wednesday, and thursday, that would mean three days of lesson straight. Teacher said that I would hardly learn anything and asked if I would prefer to pay half the fees next month or continue my classes. It was because of I would hardly learn anything, you pissed off. Hello, don't bless me. Get the situation right first, its not me who requested for that half month fees suggestion, it was my teacher, ask before you talk.

You think you know me so well and yes I have to agree that you know me well, but there was one thing that you left out, it was how I feel, my feelings. Why is it that so many parents around me know how their children feel when you don't? Being in the house with you is like being with a time bomb, I never know how great you want me to be. Dad, If it was the "fuck" word incident, I apologize, But if you're unhappy, am I?

I don't seem to be any better than you...

- 身 骑 白 马-
* 你 说 你 不 快 乐, 我 也 从 来 没 有 快 乐...*